Post Date December, 03 2023
My husband and I are high school alumni. I started dating him at the age of seventeen, dating for eight years, and getting married for nine years. At that time, his conditions were not good and he bought the house with the help of my parents. After marriage, his job was not very ideal, and everything in the family was supported by me working hard on small businesses. I can be described as a wife of waste. Until four years ago, when he entered the literary and artistic world, his career began to take a turn for the better. He worked hard and has achieved some success in recent years. His family's economy has also improved. I also ended my small business and came to his company to help.
Last year, I accidentally discovered that he had an affair with a massage lady two or three years ago. They had been together for over a year, but when I discovered it, they had already broken up. He also said he knew he was wrong and asked me to forgive him. Because it had already passed, I forgave him. Not long after, he called a female friend of his to work in our company, and I realized that his relationship with her was not average. Later, I realized that they seemed to have been together for over a year. I immediately fired this woman because there was no evidence and I was not sure how far they had developed. I also forbade him from contacting that woman. A month after being dismissed, I found out that he had secretly contacted her and was still deceiving me. I went to check his call records and found that they called four to twenty times a day. Therefore, I filed for divorce. He said that he and she were just good friends, and they talked very well. She also understood him quite well, not as I imagined. He has stated that he will not divorce and will no longer contact her. I don't really believe what he said, but for the sake of my daughter and family, I choose to continue living. In the past two months, he has treated me better than before, but I no longer dare to trust him. I feel that they may still be together, that he is still deceiving me, and I am always worried that they will still be in contact.
I still want to keep this family, but after my husband's infidelity, how should we get along? I am very distressed. Should I believe him? Should I change my shortcomings to accommodate him? Should I treat him well or just average? Do I want to be a new personality or a wife he likes? Do I want to have my own life or work with him? Do I want to be who I am or do I want to change and start a new life?
Ms. Zhu:
A young man with poor conditions, who bought a house with the help of his parents, had a poor job after marriage and still relied on you to support his family in business until his career improved. You did indeed put in a lot of effort for him. Whether it is from moral pressure or a conscience that remains, we all know that a ruined wife cannot be abandoned. Regarding his two infidelities, it can be said that the first one was only a physical infidelity, perhaps due to dissatisfaction with desires, or seeking more novel stimuli. The second one was an emotional infidelity, and he wanted someone who understood him better. The implication is that he felt that you didn't understand him enough, which is also the reason why he couldn't stop talking.
When every wife learns that her husband is cheating, there must be emotional fluctuations and a crisis of trust in their relationship. Fortunately, you didn't make a big move to humiliate him. The only thing that makes you sad is your own level, and you don't know how to trust him again. You don't know what to do in the future to benefit the construction of the marital relationship. Knowing the reason for his infidelity, you can identify your shortcomings from yourself, or listen to his insights to understand his dissatisfaction with you. For changes that are conducive to harmonious marital relationships, you can try your best to improve them. This is not to cater to him, but it is the responsibility of every couple to manage their marriage well. Whether to work with him or not can be negotiated with him. If you are a good partner in his career and can continuously grow in his work, he has no reason to deny you. Similarly, you can also tell him your shortcomings and dissatisfaction with him, hoping that he can cooperate and improve, and manage the marriage well. And tell him the bottom line that you cannot tolerate cheating behavior, which can give him a chance to repent, but will not indulge. Show your attitude. If necessary, both parties can calm down for a period of time and face all problems calmly. As long as you give your all, there will be no regrets in any outcome.
