Post Date December, 03 2023
Modern cheating marriage no longer ends with the situation of "who makes who haggard". The plot of local marriage is changing. In recent years, it seems that couples who betray each other and "double cheating" become more and more common.
Although it is said that the divorce between the husband and wife is sometimes caused by the "revenge" of the betrayed partner, according to the family counselor and the lawyer who handled the divorce case, in many cases, this is because the husband and wife spend most of their time in their own social circle and ignore the communication between them, so when the relationship turns weak, it is natural to find comfort outside and finally fly away from each other.
The marriage enemies of the post-80s after the double track derailment
At least one of the five bitter couples betrayed each other
Ellen Lee&Co, a lawyer with rich experience in handling divorce cases, pointed out that her office handled divorce procedures for an average of 15 to 20 couples every month, and at least one of every five couples divorced because of mutual betrayal.
Most of them have the following in common: young (in their twenties and thirties), highly educated and professional.
The economic downturn and pressure at work are one of the factors that lead to their loss of centripetal force to maintain their marriage. Lawyer Li said that in the face of the dual pressure of marriage and work, "anyone's comfort is very good".
Incorrect marriage values
Lawyer Li pointed out that what is more worrying is that most of them think they are right in doing so, which shows that their values of marriage are not very correct.
According to the data of the Bureau of Statistics, local divorce cases are on the rise, and the proportion of male divorcees aged 35 to 39 and female divorcees aged 30 to 34 is the fastest growing.
However, according to the observation of the marriage counselor, middle-aged couples who have just been married for three to five years and who are in their 40s are the most likely to betray their feelings.
Dr. Zhou Meiling, a psychological and family therapy consultant at the Care and Counseling Center, pointed out that most of the problems of young couples' marriage are due to the poor foundation before marriage, and there is no consensus on many issues; After marriage, they did not have the patience to solve the contradiction between the two people. Instead, they went out to seek comfort.
Ling Zhanhui, Executive Director of the Leap Family Service Center, pointed out that the longer the couple spend in the workplace, the less time they spend together, and the more time they have to spend in marriage.
In the case that he once tutored, there was a white-collar professional woman who was too devoted to work and opposed her boss almost day and night. They had meetings in the morning and had dinner in the evening. The two had feelings.
Ling Zhanhui revealed that her husband could not let go of his wife's emotional infidelity and that they were still receiving counseling.
However, for many couples who both cheat, the family seems to have become a battleground without gunpowder. The couple is like two opposing armies, hurting each other.
Chen Yuezhu, the counselor of the Care and Counseling Center, said that some betrayed people would also seek new partners to "fight back" their unfaithful partners, sometimes because someone comforted them when they were most vulnerable and found new support. (See case)
As for the situation of middle-aged marriage, Dr. Zhou Meiling pointed out that the party who makes money outside and has a higher socio-economic status has a higher probability of empathy and cheating. However, with many middle-aged housewives who are less sociable becoming more and more active in various social activities, Dr. Zhou said that she would not rule out the possibility that women who are unhappy in marriage can build confidence through new relationships.
Cases
Lizhen (pseudonym), now in her 50s, has tolerated her unfaithful husband for more than 10 years.
She has always chosen to turn a blind eye to his "other family" in order not to overshadow the growth of the only child.
With the pain of betrayal, Lizhen can only swallow it. In addition to putting her mind into the promotion of beauty products, she has no other emotional support until the appearance of the neighbor Han Min (pseudonym).
He constantly gave Lizhen care and comfort, and the two established a deep relationship, but their original simple friendship gradually developed into a love affair.
Although it seems understandable that Lizhen's husband betrayed her first, she looked for another comfort, but the problem is that Han people also have families.
From the victim to the destroyer, such a role change made Lizhen's conscience suffer. She told the counselor that she felt ashamed because she was from the past and knew the blow the victim would bear, but she could not extricate herself.
When she went to the counseling center for help, Lizhen was going through divorce procedures with her husband. He didn't know anything about Han people. Lizhen said that she was worried that her husband would refuse to pay alimony on the grounds that she also cheated.
She doesn't want her marriage tragedy to be repeated in others, but how to solve this tangled relationship, she needs to face
