The Emotional Diary of a 30 Year Old Woman: Husband cares about family, but prefers to cheat

I want to talk about myself here. Female, local, 30 years old, currently discussing divorce.

The reason for divorce is so vulgar that the other party is cheating. And it's the second time. I got married in 2011 and had my first infidelity in April 2015 (I don't know if it happened before, I should have seen a young lady, and a long-term mistress should be my first time). That woman is a hotel publicist, round, with a fat belly, but she knows how to please men and is gentle and understanding. After spending more than three months together, she enlarged her stomach and was discovered by me. She separated decisively and was tortured by pain and tears. I omitted 10000 words here, but I still chose to forgive her, I have written a guarantee letter to ensure that I will not cheat again, otherwise I will leave the house clean. But on the evening of January 9th, I went on a business trip to another city for a day and found out that he hadn't come home. He didn't come back all night. At first, he refused to admit that he hadn't come home, but later found it useless. He said he had been playing cards outside all night, asking him to name some friends and stuttering. I knew he had gone to find a young lady to open a house, and I heard the sound of heartbreak on his own. No noise, no fuss, negotiation, agreement, divorce.

My family knows, but I didn't tell them he had an affair before, so they thought it was their first time and asked me to give it a chance. I said, it's impossible. I've already decided. Some mistakes cannot be forgiven, and I have already forgiven them once and do not want to give them a second time. I don't want to be so cheap.

Tell me why I knew he didn't come back all night that night. On the evening of January 9th, I called him and kept turning off the phone. I never used to do this before. Since my first infidelity, he promised me that he would report to me wherever he went to eat, where he played cards, and what he did. I was worried that he might have problems, so I called his parents and didn't go home. I tried to turn off the phone after a while, but I gradually realized what this man was doing. At 7 o'clock in the morning, I called his parents. At first, they said he was sleeping, and I asked him to answer the phone. They panicked and had to admit that he hadn't returned all night. At that moment, I knew that this man, I should give up. I didn't make a scene like the first time and ran to question, nor did I send a lot of messages to curse. I know this man, I should give up now. At 8 o'clock, he turned on the phone and called me. He called me three times, but I didn't answer. My heart is numb, I can't feel the pain anymore. I came back from another place, and I ignored him. He kept teasing me, and I ignored him. He kept teasing me, and I just ignored him. The more he did this, the more I knew he was guilty. He was a person with a short temper. If I wronged him, he would jump three zhang high, but now, he is truly guilty.

I cried all night last night and my eyes were swollen. In order not to worry my family, I wore glasses. These days, I have been asking myself, the house has just been installed, the good days have just begun, and my son is still so young. Is it really going to end? I asked myself, and my heart clearly replied to me that this kind of relationship will always result in this kind of outcome. Since he caused his first major disaster, I have given him the opportunity to repent, promise, and guilt. He persisted for less than half a year, but he will still cheat in the future. Should I be so worried that when will he cheat again for a lifetime?? Enough playing the game of cat and mouse!!

It is undeniable that I love him very much. I met him during my college graduation work internship, and after dating him for four months, I married him and immediately gave him a son. The two of them have stable jobs, and outsiders do seem happy. However, I am wandering in the vortex of love, I don't know. In just four months, I can't see this person clearly. Although he is six years older than me and indeed more mature in some aspects, he is also more realistic and worldly than me. The first time I asked him why he cheated, he said it was just for the sake of excitement and fun. I think, when you pursue excitement, fun, and freshness, have you ever considered the feelings of my son and me? So, I asked myself, 'I did my best for my marriage.'. The first time I had an affair, I told my best friend that if there was a next time, even if I were to die after divorce, I would still get divorced. Don't advise me, I will turn against you. I know there should be another time because dogs can't change their diet, but what I didn't expect was that this next time, it's less than six months since the last time. It's really true that only women can't think of it, and no man can't do it. I completely understand.

Although the second infidelity was a young lady, it indicates that this man has great courage and never wants to stop pursuing excitement and freshness. He is 35 years old and doesn't even understand. Should I wait until he can't rest assured? The advantage of divorce is that you no longer need to worry about whether another person will return home at night, whether to have a second child, whether he has betrayed me again, and how to handle the relationship with his mother-in-law. It's great. From then on, I lived a peaceful life with my own mother (who has been bringing me a son) and my son. Although there is something missing, there is hope for everything before one dies.

Many people advise me to observe and not be impulsive. To be honest, I am not impulsive now. I have thought about forgiving, but I have forgiven this time. What about next time? Continue to swallow your breath? Or wait until he is fifty or sixty years old, and finally he can rest assured! He can't cheat at last! If that's the case, wouldn't my life be all about living for him? What is the meaning of such a life? I have a good appearance and figure, and my work is not bad. My character is not bad in all aspects, why should I live my life like this?

I sent my son to the kindergarten this morning and told him that my father would not live in this house with us in the future. He would always live in SH (the house in county-level city), would you? My son's expression was very unexpected. Why, I want to live with my parents. I am very distressed, but what can I do? I said, dad occasionally comes to see you, can you stay with mom and grandma? He nodded vaguely and said, 'Okay, I like my grandmother, just because she's here.'. Since he was in his belly, my mother has been taking care of me. Now he is almost four years old and has been with him for nearly four years. The closest people he has ever had in his life are his parents and grandmother. I often sleep with my grandmother in my arms.

Throughout these four years of marriage, it's like scenes floating in front of us. We were in love for four months, and he insisted on getting married, but I was only 25 years old and had just graduated a year ago. I didn't want to get married so early and couldn't stand the ups and downs. Finally, I agreed to get married. It should be said that at that time, love was so confused that I didn't know who was suitable or who was not. Having love was not important at all, so I got married in a daze.

I do not deny the fervent love between us, and it is precisely love that led us to enter marriage without hesitation. But later on, as I got along, I gradually realized that I was an acute person, and he was also a person with a very bad personality. He had a bad temper and liked to throw things. It is precisely these two people who come together, bumping and carrying happiness. We admit to each other that when we don't argue, we have a good relationship and are very happy. However, when we argue, we are enemies and say everything, especially me. Although I have a sharp tongue and a heartless heart, my words are very unpleasant to hear. However, because he has a bad temper and is relatively petty, he likes to fight, so the two of us never stop talking. He said, 'When you don't argue, you are very gentle and small, but when you argue, it's like a shrew. If you don't have a cold war, I won't argue either. Even if you like the cold war, it can last for three or five days without me, which makes me angry.'.

Standing on the brink of divorce, at the age of 30, I now look back and find that there is no need to argue about many things. Let's take a step back and let's go. However, I am too young to be sensible. Although he is 6 years older than me and claims to be mature, he is actually not mature either. In this way, the days that should be cherished well are dominated by arguments.

Last week, Mingming and I were still in a good relationship and very happy. We were still discussing and he said he would buy me a car at the end of the year and drive it in the city for transportation. He could pick up and drop off his son, and he also went to the 4S store to see if one of them was good and fuel-efficient. Then we plan to buy a baking machine. I said I want to make various delicious things for my son, and he is very interested. He said I also want to eat them. This has been our life for the past six months, very happy, and we both want to experience the beauty of being lost and regained.

Unfortunately, after reading the car in the morning, he went to work at his workplace in the afternoon, had dinner at his colleagues' house in the evening, and was then called out to sing. After drinking, he took others to bed. I know that his heart is at home, with me and my son. Apart from infidelity, he is a good man who is responsible for his family. He personally takes care of many things, is quite meticulous, and has a macro perspective. The entire renovation lasted for more than three months, and he was the one who helped me throughout the process. The pressure at home is quite high, and he often doesn't have much money on him. The majority of his salary is given to the family, and I know that he has indeed put in a lot of effort for this family. But, like cheating, how does that count?

I know men like novelty and excitement, but a responsible man will control himself instead of letting himself fall. And as far as I know, when he was with his ex girlfriend, he had two things in one go. His ex girlfriend left him because of this, and I only learned about it after getting married. This indicates that this man has a problem with his character and that there is no bottom line for a man who has cheated. Once or twice, there will definitely be three or five times. Do I still have to wait in place for him to continue hurting?

Weiqing viewpoint

You are extremely disappointed with a man who cannot control yourself, but if you can repair and correct his "thrill seeking" problem, are you willing to give your marriage a chance?

Perhaps you want to say that the opportunity has already been given once, but the performance of a man makes you shiver. However, a man who returns from an infidelity is not only forgiven by the woman for a peaceful life, but also needs to constantly observe and pay attention to everything, and gradually correct him from the details.

Have you ever seen someone quit smoking or drinking? In the initial stage, even for a long period of time, I couldn't help but secretly take a few sips and have a few drinks. Only a very few determined individuals could make the decision to quit without touching at all. It is always through some harmless substitutes or the advice and supervision of surrounding people that one can gradually adapt to the days without tobacco and alcohol. The same goes for cheating men to abstain from cheating.

Otherwise, if he fails to hold back again, it will cause the current situation. You wouldn't divorce a man just because he couldn't quit smoking at once?

Looking back at my positive evaluation of him, 'His heart is at home, in me and my son. Apart from infidelity, he is a good man who is responsible for his family. He does many things himself, is careful, and thinks macro.' If marriage is expected to return to health, his bad habits of infidelity can be corrected, and the good side can be preserved. Do you think it would be better to give the child a complete home?