Sexual Marriage: How to Be Careful of the Fourth Party in Marriage during the Battle between Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law?
Facing up to the seemingly two person relationship in mother-in-law's marriage actually involves the entire social circle of both spouses. When you choose your lover and plan to spend your life with him, you should understand that in a long life, you will not only face him, but also his family.
Spicy mother-in-law and daughter-in-law battle, beware of marriage loss
Love is a matter for two people, marriage is a matter for two families. In the world of a couple, with the addition of a child as the "third party", there is also a "fourth party" - the mother-in-law, and conflicts arise one after another.
His mother and my mother-in-law have faced numerous crises behind their happiness for 15 years. My husband Cheng Kang (pseudonym) and I got together because of our deep love, and after marriage, we had a very lovely son. In the eyes of outsiders, Cheng Kang is intelligent and excellent. I am generous and virtuous, and my son is mischievous and cute. However, no one knows that behind our seemingly happy family, there are already many crises.
The crisis comes from Cheng Kang's mother, my mother-in-law. The seeds of conflict between my mother-in-law and me were planted shortly after our marriage. That year, when I had just given birth, my mother-in-law came from my hometown to visit my grandson. Because I am still giving birth, I am not taking good care of my mother-in-law in some areas. My mother-in-law has memorized every detail of my negligence in her heart. My mother-in-law said it's better for her to take the child back to her hometown to take care of it.
I don't agree because I grew up in a broken family from a young age, and I deeply understand how important parental love is for a child's growth. As soon as I finished speaking, my mother-in-law's face darkened. After a few days, my mother-in-law returned to her hometown very unhappy. My mother-in-law came and my troubles didn't last long. I was transferred to another job, and various affairs came in one after another. My child was always sick, and Cheng Kang saw that I was too tired, so he suggested taking my mother-in-law over. My mother-in-law is a person with a strong sense of feudal hierarchy, and in her eyes, her daughter-in-law has no status in the family. When a family eats, their daughter-in-law is never allowed to sit at the table.
Once, I couldn't help but argue with my mother-in-law, and her face became very ugly. I suddenly realized that I was wrong. Anyway, she is my husband's mother and my son's grandmother! I immediately lowered my head to apologize to my mother-in-law, but she flew into a rage and cursed me in the most malicious language. I argued loudly, "What would you think if someone scolded your daughter like that?" In a fit of anger, my mother-in-law packed up and left. Cheng Kang is a filial son. In his thoughts, he always believes that there is only one mother, but there are many women, so his wife also has little status in his mind. Unfortunately, these were all things that I slowly realized after getting married. Since Cheng Kang decided that I had driven away his mother, he began to vent his anger on me. His attitude towards me underwent a 180 degree turn, and we can no longer be as honest as before. Although we later brought my mother-in-law back, I tried multiple times in the following ten years to save Cheng Kang's heart, but Cheng Kang's attitude remained indifferent.
Zhenqing Changxin once had a strange life cycle, and Cheng Kang had another big argument with me. He accused me and said, "Thank you for being a northerner, you can't even make pasta!" After that, I began to seriously learn how to make various types of pasta. Until now, every time I go out, I always pack a lot of dumplings in advance and put them in the refrigerator. But during the Chinese New Year that year, when Cheng Kang returned to his hometown, he bought gifts for everyone but forgot about me. My job requires running around, and a pair of shoe soles have worn out long ago. How I wish he could buy me a pair of shoes. My heart is completely cold.
In 2001, I felt that my marriage had come to an end. I made my last effort and spent two days and nights writing a long letter to Cheng Kang with true feelings and tears. Cheng Kang is my first love, and over the years, I have devoted almost all my body and mind to him and my son. In the letter, I openly wrote about my love for him and his son, as well as the pain caused by my family life. After seeing the letter, Cheng Kang was indeed moved. We had a deep conversation and reached some understanding. Cheng Kang is no longer so indifferent to me. I fully believe that the problem has been solved. But not long after, everything returned to the past. I can't stand my mother-in-law - talking back to her - she's angry when she comes home - Cheng Kang treats me coldly - when we bring her back, I seem to be trapped in a strange circle, and life keeps repeating itself in the same place. The man I deeply loved is getting further and further away from me. It can be said that it was for my son that I endured until today. But I increasingly feel that a marriage without dignity can no longer be continued. In the rest of my life, should I bid farewell to marriage, step out of the shadow of my mother-in-law, and live a good life for myself.
Xiao Zhixiong, a member of the National Association for Mental Health Research:
The conflict between being an architect's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often the trigger for family crises. The contradiction between Xiuqin and her mother-in-law lies in the differences in cultural backgrounds. My mother-in-law is a traditional woman with a strong sense of hierarchy, while Xiuqin is a modern woman who has received higher education and pursued personal dignity. The conflict between the The Two Cultures will inevitably be reflected in many details of life. The accumulation of trivial matters over time makes Xiuqin feel like she has lost her dignity. The reason why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can gather under the same roof is because of the same person. Both women love this man, and in the face of two equally heavy loves, Cheng Kang must be cautious and coordinate their relationship. Cheng Kang should not be a "judge" because a clean and upright official is difficult to handle household cases; You shouldn't be a jailer either, because your wife is not a prisoner. Cheng Kang should become an excellent architect and build a bridge of communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Facing up to the seemingly two person relationship in mother-in-law's marriage actually involves the entire social circle of both spouses. When you choose your lover and plan to spend your life with him, you should understand that in a long life, you will not only face him, but also his family. Whether you like his parents or not, you must treat them with a heart that loves your lover. To be sure, Xiuqin loves Chengkang. Otherwise, she wouldn't have saved his heart in 10 years. But she did not pay enough attention to the fuse that caused the conflict between them.
The feudal ideology and level of education of the elderly determine the fundamental differences between Xiuqin and her mother-in-law. Only by understanding each other can we bring each other closer. If Xiuqin doesn't face up to the problems between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the conflict will still be difficult to resolve. As for divorce, don't bring it up easily. Cheng Kang should also reflect on the disharmony between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As a man, he has an unshirkable responsibility. Ten years later, my daughter-in-law became a grandmother. Qionger: I took my mother-in-law to the hospital for examination, but the one who was in good health was in the late stage of lung cancer. My mother-in-law took my hand and entrusted my husband to me before she passed away. I regret it in my heart. My mother-in-law had a wish to take a plane, but I didn't let her achieve it.