A lover is the person you love the most, like the most, and are willing to spend your entire life with. However, some couples do not properly handle their conflicts and emotions after marriage, which exacerbates the conflict between the lover and themselves, until it destroys the beautiful life. And these things that harm loved ones and oneself are prevalent in daily life, and the following eight "don'ts" are the most common. I hope that couples can take a warning from them.
1、 Don't be blindly suspicious: Don't think you know your partner's thoughts and feelings like the palm of your hand, nine out of ten, you will make mistakes. In marital crises, this situation often occurs: the suspicion of catching clues makes both individuals angry, difficult to communicate, and ultimately the relationship breaks down.
Corrective Action: Take a piece of paper and follow your intuition to complete the sentence 'I guess my lover will ____ think of me (towards me)'. Then, verify the correctness of the guess with your partner. As a result, you will find that many guesses are wrong. When encountering questions, the best way is to ask him directly.
2、 Don't take what your partner does for granted: it's important to express gratitude to your partner and eliminate three major negative attitudes: a sense of entitlement, unrealistic expectations, and feigned forgetfulness.
Corrective Action: Write down the big and small things your partner has done for you. Ask yourself if you have expressed gratitude for these things and how it is expressed. Keep expressing gratitude for a week, and you will notice the changes.
3、 Don't complain to each other: "It's all your fault!" "What you asked me to do, it's because of you that things got messed up!" Such complaints are easy to say. And words like 'what responsibility should I take' are rarely spoken out. Complaining actually expresses accusations and threats, and the other party will naturally retaliate, leading to escalating conflicts.
Corrective measures: Write down your grievances towards your loved one, then ask yourself, self examine your responsibilities, and finally discuss with both parties to find a solution.
4、 Don't explain casually: "I now understand why you are so picky, you are like your father." Analysis that seems to understand the motives of a lover's behavior can only lead to anger.
Corrective measures: First understand the reasons for your anger, learn to listen to your partner's perspectives in an open and caring manner, use nonverbal means such as eyes to make them understand that you are listening attentively, and finally provide constructive suggestions.
5、 Don't be afraid to say 'no': sacrificing one's own feelings and blindly satisfying the other person may seem beneficial, but it is actually a sign of insincerity. It is difficult to have intimacy in a marriage without sincerity.
Corrective measures: To be honest is more likely to win the trust of loved ones and deepen the relationship between husband and wife. You may want to list all the things you are afraid of telling your partner based on their level of difficulty. Afterwards, start with the simplest thing and try to tell your partner the truth.
6、 Don't use silence as a weapon: in marital relationships, silence is a deadly weapon.
Corrective measures: Write a letter to your partner expressing the reasons for anger and your own troubles, and strive for communication and understanding between the couple with a positive attitude.
7、 Don't deliberately provoke: Choosing to indulge oneself emotionally or physically is more like a provocation. For example, depression, reckless spending, suicide, etc.
Corrective measures: Find a place where both parties can have a peaceful conversation for 30 minutes, and then figure out what actions are causing obstacles to your partner, and reflect on each one individually.
8、 Don't underestimate your partner: Couples should avoid words that lower their self worth. For example, 'Why are you so lazy!' and so on.
Corrective Action: List all the sentences that say 'how did you do it', then replace 'you' with 'me' and try to communicate with your partner using the sentences that start with 'me'.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)