Post Date December, 03 2023
Many people think that intimate relationship is a romantic thing - when two people first met, the sky thunder touched the earth fire, so they started an earth-shaking relationship - in fact, intimate relationship is very utilitarian. Yes, if you look at it from this perspective, you will find that it is.
Biologists have done research. Men and women's criteria for courtship are indeed based on the need for some basic "survival" models. And we often see that because men are rich and powerful, they can marry young and beautiful wives. The two sides are married or together on the basis of "utility" and mutual benefit.
In fact, to be frank, if you don't help me in my life, and make me feel bad about myself, why should I be with you? Unless we have been married and have children or have been together for a long time, if I don't stay with you, I will pay a great price (stability, face, children, financial resources, pressure from relatives and friends, etc.), then I may reluctantly stay in this relationship. However, such a relationship will not last too long, because one party has not received spiritual nourishment, it depends on how much patience he has and how long he is willing to endure. That's why many Japanese women launched a family revolution after their children went to college and said they would no longer serve the bad old man - enough!!
In short, all intimate relationships and marriages are maintained by mutual benefit. The reason why we speak so plainly and cruelly is that after we have such a clear understanding, we can be more aware of maintaining a relationship we cherish, instead of waiting for the other party to have an affair, or the marriage or relationship to break up, before we wake up and don't know what happened.
What did I bring to each other?
Therefore, when we are with a person, we may first think about what I have brought to the other party. Is the other party happy, happy or what he wants because he is with me? If you are a vested interest -- tied by the shackles of marriage, children, or financial advantages, moral constraints -- then I'm sorry, even if the other party doesn't leave, his heart has gone to a thousand miles away. One day, when he leaves suddenly, you should not cry and become a victim.
This is a topic that each of us must think carefully and calmly in our intimate relationship. What did you bring to the other party? Have you grown over the years? Have you made progress in all aspects, become more confident, or rely on the basis of marriage and emotion as the foundation, and constantly gnaw it?
Can't grow inside, will die alone
I know a male friend who has a pretty good appearance and is very talented. He made many beautiful girlfriends when he was young. However, when he was old, because of his stubborn personality and high self-respect, his talent did not save money for him, and he lived a poor life. But the most important thing is that he did not develop himself well, and failed to make himself a person with broad knowledge, interesting speech, personality and pleasing personality, so his chances of making friends are becoming less and less. There are many women who don't care if you have money. Not every woman is so realistic. However, if you are not attractive enough, why do people want to be with you who are old, have no money, and talk uninteresting? Your appearance is getting old year by year, and only the inside can glow with attractive light. If you can't pay attention to your inner growth, this person may be doomed to die alone.
Women of all ages are loved. There is a film "Harold and Maude", which tells the story of a young man in his twenties falling in love with an old woman in his seventies. It is not a fantasy. You can understand it after reading it. That young man has no passion and motivation in his life. What he thinks and ponders all day is death. But this old lady is full of vitality and lives a full, happy, exciting and enjoyable life. The young people feel rebirth because of being with her - they regain the joy of life and know what is real life. Such feelings are understandable.
Expand your inner space and nourish each other's souls
For ordinary people, we all look for childhood regrets in our intimate relationships. If you can give a person the kind of love he didn't get in his childhood: support, tolerance, understanding, care, that person will never leave you. Before we can do this, we need to have some wisdom. Only through reading, spiritual practice, introspection, and calmness can we understand each other's needs. In addition, if you are a person who constantly cultivates yourself and reflects inwards, you are also gradually expanding your internal space, and have more room to accommodate each other and give them the soul nourishment they need.
When your functionality gradually fades away - the child is born, the career is successful, the family foundation is firm, and you are no longer young and beautiful - if you can continue to nourish each other spiritually and psychologically: know each other, cherish each other, care for each other, and take care of yourself, and you are a person who is very good at life and very interesting, then your functionality can continue to maintain in this relationship, and your status is stable and unshakable!
