Many people who enter marriage have a "treasure trove" of handling marital relationships, such as setting aside time to spend with partners, appreciating each other, and speaking more positive words. But marriage experts point out that some seemingly insignificant and slightly strange factors in life can also harm the happiness between couples. The "Women's Day" website in the United States recently synthesized multiple latest research results and proposed nine unexpected factors that have a devastating impact on marital relationships.
1. Always make decisions on one side
People usually believe that the one who does not have a say in marriage will not be happy, but researchers have found that a strong partner is more likely to develop a sense of despair towards marriage. Suggestion: If one party always follows the other's opinions when making joint decisions, then in the future, they should express their own opinions more; If the final decision at home is often made by you, you should take turns as the moderator in the future.
2. Different memories of important events
A survey conducted in 2003 showed that different memories of past events between couples often affect marital relationships. Suggestion: Dr. Sara from the University of Wisconsin Madison states that for some milestone events in life, such as getting engaged or buying a house, couples should talk seriously and try to reach a consensus as much as possible to avoid conflicts when recalling them in the future.
3. Unrealistic expectations
Research has found that people who have high expectations in mid marriage ("we will have a perfect sexual life") are more likely to feel disappointed in the first year of marriage than those who have more realistic expectations ("we will work together to have a good and positive sexual life"). Suggestion: Professor Lisa Naive from the University of Texas at Austin states, "There is no perfect marriage, and having overly optimistic specific expectations usually ends in disappointment. However, one cannot give up positive and optimistic expectations in marriage, only to control them.
4. Always present oneself in a perfect state
A new study has found that being 'very perfect and idealized' in the eyes of a partner may not make you happy, but instead you may feel that your partner has not truly recognized you. Moreover, your actions should strive to meet your partner's idealized standards, which invisibly adds extra pressure and can make you feel insecure. Suggestion: Having some small admiration for your spouse can elevate your emotions, but you must not go too far and be rooted in the other person's true strengths.
5. Excessive SMS communication
Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington have found that if couples primarily communicate through text messages rather than face-to-face or phone calls, their satisfaction with their marital relationship is usually not high. Suggestion: Researchers believe that the reason for this is that people who love texting are usually avoidance oriented and more anxious. However, it is not necessary to completely abandon text messages, but more face-to-face communication should be conducted.
6. Lack of curiosity
Curiosity kills cats, but curiosity can bring miracles to marriage. Researchers believe that people with curiosity are more willing to view difficult situations as challenges rather than threats. And they are better at communication, more flexible, and open to new solutions. Suggestion: If a consistently happy marriage encounters trouble, it is important to think curiously about whether it provides a good opportunity for conflicts between couples to find different solutions to the problem.
7. Overly concerned about whether the marital relationship is close or not
We all have this feeling that when hiking, we always ask 'are we almost there?', which makes the destination feel increasingly distant. Similarly, if we constantly ask ourselves' are we close enough 'in a marital relationship, it can make it impossible for a close relationship between husband and wife. Suggestion: Couples only need to have more common activities and experiences, so that a sense of closeness naturally emerges and cannot be forced.
8. Expect your husband to be like a gentleman
Some women generally have unrealistic ideas about men, believing that they should respect, protect, and cherish women like graceful knights. Suggestion: Men should not always be so polite. Occasional arguments and conflicts do not mean that the husband is not like a real man, nor does it mean that he no longer loves you.
9. Require too much of oneself
A study has found that attempting to perform better and more perfectly in the eyes of the other party can actually make marriage more fragile. Suggestion: Pursuing to perform better often brings negative feelings such as competition, confusion, and fear, while pursuing tolerant goals can lead to positive feelings such as cooperation and love.
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