Post Date April, 15 2023
My family makes me very upset (parents). My father has a bad temper and always bullies my mother. My mother is too cowardly to speak up. I see all of these things in my eyes and hate my father very much. My father is the kind of person who only allows him to set fires all over the mountain and not allow others to light the lights. He is not in good health. Every time he is hospitalized, his mother takes care of him and treats him. However, after getting better, he doesn't know how to be grateful. Every time when the Chinese New Year is approaching, he will do it and even tell others that his mother is not good, saying that everyone in his mother's family is not good.
He doesn't tell his mother anything he does, and when his mother does something, he does it endlessly. As a child, I can't stand it anymore. I feel that his illness is a punishment from heaven, and I want to drive him away from home. I hate him, and I feel that he has no conscience or conscience.
My mother has put in too much effort for me and my family. He doesn't even say thank you, and he always does it. He doesn't even talk to his siblings about anything. My aunt passed away these days, and my mother went there. After coming back around 3 pm, he said that my mother doesn't cook, so he started acting like a demon, which almost angered me.
I feel like I've been unlucky enough to have such a father in my eighth life, Brother Shan. I really don't know what to do? I don't want to deal with him, let alone raise him old. I want to leave this family and not see him. I'm not unfilial, I really can't bear it anymore.
reply:
Looking at your avatar, you should be a girl. As a daughter, you hate your father so much, which makes me feel a bit unbelievable. Does your father really do many things that hurt your heart and seriously harm your mother? It can be seen that you are mainly feeling resentful for your mother.
But one thing you need to understand is that no matter how bad your father does, he will always be your father. As his daughter, you shouldn't say such extreme things to him behind his back, let alone express your unwillingness to support him. Supporting the elderly has always been the obligation of being children, even if the elderly have many faults. So, I believe you're just saying angry things in a moment of anger. I think when your emotions calm down, you will still love your father, and there's no father who doesn't love his daughter.
Based on your confidences, your dissatisfaction with your father mainly lies in his irritable temper, domineering personality, being too self centered, being mischievous, unreasonable, ungrateful, and always bullying your mother for no reason. And your mother has a cowardly personality, is obedient to adversity, dare not resist, and chooses to be patient. It should be like this.
If that's the case, I would like to say a few words about you here. How bad is your father to your mother? It's actually not your turn to blame him here. As a victim, your mother may not have shown such an extreme reaction to your father's bullying. Why are you so angry and say such extreme things? How does your father treat you, does he love you enough, and has he done anything that particularly hurts you? If you just can't tolerate him bullying your mother, then you can communicate privately with your father, reason with him as a daughter, and ask him not to treat his mother brutally. You should learn to respect your significant other, rather than expressing a deep hatred towards your father in anger. After all, this is a contradiction and grudge between parents, and their affairs ultimately have to be resolved by themselves. They have been together for so many years, no matter who bullies anyone, in short, it's one willing to fight and another willing to suffer. What other people can do! As a child, you can only find ways to reconcile and strive to resolve it, instead of complaining, choosing to escape, running away from home, or not fulfilling filial piety under negative emotions. Isn't this a deliberate and mature mindset.
At the same time, you also need to think in reverse, why did your father do this? In your opinion, he is bullying your mother, or perhaps he is suffering from some kind of pressure on a man, including the torment of his own illness. He has a lot of pent up pain in his heart, and there is no place to vent it. Finally, he has to vent it on the person closest to him, which is all possible. So, have you had intimate communication with your father between father and daughter? Have you understood any of your father's inner thoughts? Have you ever urged your parents to communicate effectively together? I think in many cases, communication is the only way to solve problems. Only communication can eliminate misunderstandings and barriers. So, change your mindset, look at the problem from a different perspective, and find ways to coordinate with your parents and your family to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Perhaps many problems will be easily solved.
