Post Date December, 03 2023
Hello, I also want to talk about my situation. I am 39 years old and my husband is 38 years old. We have been married for 13 years, and my daughter is already 13 years old. For the past decade or so, we have always been with our mother-in-law. After my daughter was 2 years old, my wife suffered from a lumbar disc herniation and he didn't work for nine consecutive years. So, this family is supported by my mother-in-law and me, and I admit that my mother-in-law has put in a lot of effort. If it's just this, it doesn't matter. I accept my fate, and it's nothing if I give more for this family. After all, he's not in good health. My mother-in-law and I both love him and are afraid that he won't be able to work hard, so we didn't let him go to work and only occasionally asked him to do some light work. However, what I can't accept is that in June this year, I found out that my husband had an affair.
Since the spring of this year, he has been drinking with one of his buddies, who is particularly addicted to alcohol and often asks my wife to accompany him to drink. Because of this, I am also particularly annoyed. Who can go out and drink like this every day? My wife and I have had a lot of arguments about this. At first, I patiently advised him, but over time, he became unwilling, and the conflict began to escalate.
Later, in June, I found a text message on one of my old mobile phones. The general message was: How can I love you? What should I do without you? I can't even live, so I suspect my husband may have an affair. One day, I called that number on my phone, and it was answered by a woman. And it sounded familiar, so I hung up on the phone. I started questioning my husband, is there someone outside? My husband refused to admit it, so I took out the phone and asked him to adjust the phone bill, but he refused to adjust it. Then, the two of us got into a fight and I threw all the dishes in the kitchen. I was particularly angry and aggrieved at the time. I thought if he had made money these years, he would have let it go. Not only did he not work to make money, but he also cheated on me.
The next day, I began to calmly talk to him, and I said what you really want to do. If you want to spend time with that woman, I will help you, don't hide it. He admitted that it was impossible. I would definitely be able to cut off that woman, just stop interacting with her and making phone calls and text messages, but I still didn't acknowledge my improper relationship with that woman.
But later on, he continued to drink with his friend, and eventually I found out that the woman outside him was his brother's wife. This woman has a bad relationship with her husband because he is an alcoholic. My husband took advantage of this situation and I said, 'Why does my husband always run towards his buddies?' It turns out that there is a woman hanging around there.
Later on, my wife even had a showdown with me, intending to divorce me and spend time with that woman. She also reminded me not to be too kind to him, otherwise I would regret it because he loved his brother's wife even more. She said that the woman had promised him to divorce his husband and they wanted to be together. I asked my lover, 'Do your buddies know about this?'? He said he didn't know. I said he needs to know what to do? He said he can't handle so much anymore. He knows what he can do, and he can still kill me.
After hearing my husband's words, I can't help but feel heartbroken. I really can't imagine how my husband could have been like this. I'm not willing to be like this. May I ask, is there any good way to bring my husband back? Does my husband really want to have sex with that woman? Can I take back my husband's heart? Am I leaving or not?
reply:
1. Your husband is sick and there are too many patients with the lumbar disc, so he can't do any work. How can he just be a big man and not work for a long time? You should know that once a person is free, it is easy for them to have enough to eat and indulge in lust. Your mother-in-law's actions are obviously helping them to neglect their duties. Is there any way to support a family with two women while he goes out to eat, drink, and whore? That's how men are spoiled by your women!
2. In addition, when this incident occurs, it should also be reflected on. As a woman, why can the wife of her husband's alcoholic friends attract him, while you cannot? What's the difference between you and that woman? Logically speaking, you can endure hardships, be capable, and support your family. As a man, he should feel embarrassed to eat soft food at home and cherish you more? But why doesn't he? Do you often give him a bad face in front of him? Does it make him feel that your sense of superiority is too strong, or does it make him feel like he can't lift his head in front of you? To this end, you need to examine your own shortcomings. Since we have put in all these years, we cannot give in vain. In the end, if we don't try to please, the gains and losses outweigh the losses.
3. I understand your grievances and psychological imbalance. After all, over the years, you have put in too much effort for your family, and the burden of supporting your family has basically fallen on you. In the end, what he got was his husband's lack of gratitude, which was like raising a white eyed wolf. You must be unable to figure out how to deal with these things, right? Moreover, in the end, I was reduced to being threatened by a vain person who wanted to dump me, and my face had no place to put it, and I couldn't get through this emotional barrier. For this reason, you can't accept your husband's practice under the reverse psychology, because you can't stand your frustration. So, I wanted to forcefully pull him back. In fact, if you really agree to his shameless demands, this stinky man will fall into a passive and regretful state.
4. As for whether your husband really wants to spend time with that woman, perhaps he does. Otherwise, he wouldn't easily show off to you like this. After all, after more than ten years of love and children, and you have been raising him for so many years, he can't have no conscience at all! However, why did he choose to hurt you so cruelly? It can only be said that he still cares about that woman. In contrast, you are not as attractive or cute as that woman. Of course, this also does not rule out your husband's momentary impulse and hot headed. If he truly allows them to live, he may not necessarily be happy and will not feel regretful.
5. It's already difficult for my husband to settle down now. Why don't you choose to play hard to get, talk to him calmly, and tell him that if you've decided to be with that woman, I can choose to fulfill you. Since you don't care about marital relationships, I have no choice. However, you are responsible for your own choices. If you have a plan, we will go through legal procedures, including property division, child rearing, etc., to put pressure on him and make him treat his choices more rationally.
In short, there is no fixed and permanent thing in marriage. Where to go, whether to gather or scatter, whether to divide or combine, sometimes it is necessary to follow the natural course. If you strive for it, there is no regret, and if you cannot keep it, there is no need to force it. Otherwise, deliberately forcing is not happy.
