My husband and I met in May 2007. He was born on November 20, 1985, and I was one year older than him. I was born on December 9, 1984. At that time, his father was in the logistics business, and he helped his father as an assistant!
When we first got to know each other, he was quite nice and talked to me on the phone every day. However, in October 2007, his father's logistics business couldn't continue and he had no financial resources. Since then, the expenses I spent with him were basically using my money. Between 2007 and 2008, I became pregnant three times, and every time he wanted me to have a child, but at that time, I didn't feel safe with him, so I didn't dare to have a child at all.
When I got pregnant again in 2009, we decided to have my fourth pregnancy because I had three previous abortions. We got married in August 2009 and have been doing well ever since.
Later, two months after his daughter was born, he met a woman who was older than himself. The woman was now 45 years old. Originally, this woman was his uncle's lover, and his uncle often took him to that woman's house for dinner. In this way, everyone became familiar with him. At first, he would show me the chat content between him and that woman, and also tell me what that woman told him, but over time, I realized that the content of the subsequent text messages became increasingly ambiguous, and gradually the messages stopped showing me.
Once, I accidentally discovered that there was a photo of the woman taking a shower on his phone, and he even peeked at the woman taking a shower. That's it, from 2010 until now, he has been in contact with that woman, and I started to argue with her because of that woman. Now, he's going too far, and I'm thinking about divorce now. But now, I basically have nothing to say to him. I don't know if I want to divorce or continue? Very tired, very tired.
He always says it's nothing to do with that woman, but sometimes the truth is in front of him, but he just doesn't admit it. What can I do to save it?
1. It is undoubtedly a dereliction of duty for a man to not provide basic food, drink, and salad for his family financially. When you first met him, valuing his family's conditions while neglecting his personal abilities was clearly a mistake. From this, it highlights your immaturity and blindness in choosing a partner in love, to the extent that it lays a terrible foreshadowing for future marital unhappiness.
2. Not only that, you are not strict enough with the other party, and your requirements for yourself are also relaxed. You can repeatedly make yourself pregnant before marriage, and you are not prepared to have children. This shows that you are not caring enough for yourself, and doing things is too abrupt and reckless.
3. Finally, if you become pregnant again and have to get married, how can such a passive marriage guarantee future happiness? The process of falling in love, after all, is the process of getting to know each other, completely preparing for a smooth marriage. Although you can try the trial marriage journey, it is not to put yourself in a passive and awkward situation. Your marriage is not happy, and you have to take a large part of the responsibility for yourself.
4. The man you have chosen has a bad background. It's only because you were too clumsy in the beginning. This man couldn't bear family responsibilities, couldn't be loyal to marriage, and did something wrong but refused to admit it. Do you think such a man can still be saved? How to retrieve it? He didn't have a high-quality side from the beginning, and it's obviously not realistic for you to transform him into a good Chinese man now.
5. So, calm down and think about how valuable your marriage is and how many benefits are there for you to maintain with him? Marriage requires accounting, and being together is a community of interests. Whoever harms anyone's interests needs to be cared about. Therefore, your final choice criterion is: see how to choose so that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. That's it. Good luck!