One day, I received a letter from a netizen saying that I envy my luck and meeting a good mother-in-law... Unlike her mother-in-law, she always takes whatever she wants from her. I asked her, "Isn't there any omen before getting married?"?, She said that before getting married, her mother-in-law would ask her to run errands, and after getting married, it became even worse.
In fact, from the beginning, when you get along with your mother-in-law, you should define your boundaries and principles as soon as possible. Learn to say no at the right time, and learn to refuse to gain respect. I went on to tell her my example.
My mother-in-law is a very good person who treats people sincerely and warmly, but that doesn't mean she has no shortcomings. She has developed a strong desire for control because she has always been the leader of the family. After I discovered this, I deliberately let her know that I am not the person she can control when I get along with her in the early stage; And let her know my boundaries and principles.
For example, take her and her husband's cousin to Tokyo with their daughter. My cousin's daughter has been in high school for the first time this year, but every time she sleeps, she always gets up in a bad mood. She can't afford to act like a five year old child and often delays everyone's time to go out in the morning. I endured it for several days along the way. "But because I know this is a matter of family education, and it's not that my children don't like my bullshit, I don't talk too much.". Until the last day to go to Disney Ocean Park. "We finished playing in the morning, took a nap in the afternoon at our residence, and were ready to go to sleep before continuing to play.". Before going to bed, I told my cousin's daughter that if you wait until you get up to bed and lose your child's temper, we won't go! She said yes.
As a result, she got up and still had a good time, kicking the quilt on the mattress and couldn't wake up. "I was already prepared to see this situation and I was very angry, so I sat back in my bed and said, 'Then I won't go.'".
My cousin's daughter got up and said she was going; "My mother-in-law also came over and said, 'Okay, she's up. Take her with you!'"!
I think this is a good opportunity for education. "Because I imagine that if my cousin's daughter were my child today, allowing her mother-in-law to intervene successfully in this way would only cause future problems. Therefore, if I could take this opportunity to let her know my principles and boundaries and not change due to her identity, it would be considered a precaution.".
Sorry, I don't want to go anymore. I say it very firmly. Grandma, listen to me and burst into tears. It's been the last day. Why are you doing this? Wouldn't it be good to let the child have fun? Hurry up and take her!
"I didn't move at all, and then said with a firm expression, 'I don't want to go anymore, why did you force me?'"? She didn't keep the agreement, why should I accommodate her?
At this moment, my cousin saw that the atmosphere was a bit stiff, so she quickly came out to soothe her cheeks and said, "It's okay. I'll just take her myself. Let Biao Biao rest. She's been taking us away very hard these days.". You can't go. What if you get lost? Biao Biao, hurry up and take them there. They'll get lost if they go there by themselves later. My mother-in-law challenged me again and tried to persuade me.
"But I remained unmoved and spoke calmly to everyone, 'I'm sorry, no one can force me to do something I don't want to do.'".
"Although my mother-in-law's face was broken, she could do nothing, and her broken lips were real.".
Later, my cousin took her daughter with her and didn't get lost. After they went out, the mother-in-law also regained calm, leaving the congealed atmosphere as seamless as a boat crossing the water. "We didn't mention this matter again, but I know my mother-in-law knows better that I am a person who will defend my principles because of this time.". Since then, there has been no such situation.
So later, I told this netizen that no matter what the identity of the other person is, the self principle should be well guarded; The sooner the boundary is defined, the better. You can try to slowly start saying no to her and slowly reverse the situation where she has no boundaries with you. I believe that as long as we persist firmly, the situation will definitely change!