Post Date December, 03 2023
"I believe everyone has heard the lyrics of Lin Zhixuan's" Single Love Song ":" There are happy people everywhere in the world, why can't you count me alone? ". I believe this sentence speaks for many single friends. How can I get rid of being single? The editor believes that if you give up your bigotry, you may be able to reap the rewards of love. Of course, this is not an inevitable event. In short, let go of paranoia and you will reap more. Let's take a look at three examples first:
One late night, one of my fianc é es asked for help in the group, saying that she had received a letter from a strange netizen on the dating website that she wanted to meet. Let's see if the man's basic conditions were satisfactory in all aspects, but I don't know if she wants to go back. When asked why she hesitated, she replied that there was a problem with the sentence "I have read your information and photos, I think you are pretty good, and I want to get to know you better" in the man's letter. Because my girlfriend's basic information is almost empty, she determined that the man was sending emails in groups, inferring that he is not a serious person.
Last week, at a classmate gathering, a male student with a successful career and a happy family proposed suggestions for change to several single girls on the spot. However, during the gathering, an elderly single male student interrupted all sorts of things and only believed that what he believed was "everything is fate" was the truth. He also encouraged other single people to stick to their ideas and not make any changes.
Speaking of similar things, in dating groups, there are often a large number of so-called wonderful things that men and women encounter in explosive dating. Upon careful listening, it seems that there is no more than a certain behavior or a certain sentence of the other party that seems strange to them. Regardless of whether the speaker intends to exaggerate the truth or not, it is said that those so-called facts are nothing but just not in line with the speaker's values, and in the view of the entire society, they are also reasonable. The so-called discussion eventually turned into venting, rising higher and higher, and eventually turned into bitter crusades.
Such scenes are really ubiquitous in life, and the protagonists of these scenes have a common trait: paranoia. From the above three cases, it can be seen that the degree of paranoia of the characters in the case is higher than one layer at a time, and most of the older young men and women have more or less paranoid characteristics. Once a person has these paranoia, it is like a trackless train, heading towards a road of no return, unless one day suddenly awakens and actively brakes.
So what is paranoia? Baidu explains this: "They feel extremely allergic and resent insults and injuries;"; Stubborn in thinking and behavior, sensitive and suspicious, and narrow-minded; Faced with major issues, they are often impulsive, arbitrary, and go their own way. Paranoic people tend to be stubborn, paranoid, self-centered, and always believe that they have been unfairly treated. Without a sense of responsibility, one should always take whether one's own interests have been harmed as the standard, shift the responsibility to others, never conduct self inspection, immediately seek ways to respond to criticism from others, and take it calmly when hurting others.
Are you scared?
Due to such a mindset, a paranoid person's perspective and starting point of view will change, often affecting the relationships between relatives, friends, family, and colleagues, as well as his career development. The height of a person's career and family harmony, to a certain height, completely depends on the fullness of his character. Even if you don't say anything about this, do you want to marry a wife or a man? If this goal exists, your paranoia will break countless possible paths for you. You will only repeat past unsuccessful experiences and continue to achieve unsuccessful results; You will use your standards to demand from the other party, and therefore cannot accept people and things that are different from you; You will become increasingly stubborn and picky, and fewer people will like and accept you. Look, paranoid or paranoid personality really doesn't do any good to the goal of getting rid of singles.
If you realize that you are paranoid, is there still time for change?
A few months ago, I got together with a graduate student roommate I haven't seen for a long time. She was surprised at my changes and asked if I still remember some words I said seven or eight years ago. After listening to those words, my mouth opened wide and I didn't realize for a while that those paranoid words were from me. She said, "Yes, your creed was the lyrics of Lin Yilian's song: I choose absolute or zero, not some or the middle.". "When I was reading, my roommates didn't stop fighting my paranoid theories," she said calmly. "I can't wait to find a way to get in and be ashamed of my immaturity.". Now, I feel that whatever happens to me and what strange people I encounter have its rationality because it exists. "I will still be sensitive and angry, but those points are getting higher and higher, and it's easy to no longer ignite me. Synchronizing with HI points increases my happiness index.". Therefore, I would like to tell you that paranoia can of course be changed, even if it has formed a paranoid personality disorder, it can also be changed. The key to changing paranoia is actually in our own hands.
When I am consulting a visitor, it often takes me a while to click on him or her, and after that, the other person is basically silent for a long time. Then I say to myself, "I don't want to be like this at all. How did I become such a person?"?
Most single paranoid individuals who have not reached the personality barrier have somewhat struggled in their emotional path, and may have experienced several so-called exotic things that have harmed them, so that at any moment, the scars they once had will be uncovered again, becoming sensitive, suspicious, stubborn, and mean. In fact, if you could change your mindset and view your emotional experience with a more inclusive and positive attitude, not blaming everything on the other person's mistakes, and repeatedly reinforcing the lessons that mistakes have taught you, you wouldn't reach the point of paranoia.
We need to see for ourselves that existing beliefs have hindered our growth, such as "Why does this man not change and let me change?" "It's all her fault, I'm right." The reason you have such beliefs stems from your previous frustration experiences, and if you still focus on past events, these experiences are the stumbling blocks to your growth, But focusing on the future is a positive change. We all know that our conscious behavior is determined by our subconscious beliefs, so you need to change the beliefs that hinder growth. Like the girlfriend I wrote at the beginning of this article, her belief in the male netizen she has never met is: using template letters=mass mailing=not taking a serious attitude towards choosing a spouse. She uses a labeling method. Let's change the label: The person who writes letters using a template wants to improve efficiency, get to know you faster, and more importantly, he is a proactive person in choosing a spouse. "We looked at the positive motivation behind the event from the back or deeper level, and seeing this, my girlfriend replied cheerfully.". Not only that, but this behavior also extends to the extreme, establishing the idea of "I also want to become more proactive". Therefore, I encourage girls to actively send letters to boys on dating networks, as this will increase the possibility of their own happiness. "Think of the world as being good enough for girls. Girls just need to say, 'Hello, I believe most boys just think,' Oh, good, this girl is interesting to me 'instead of' How can this girl send emails in groups? '"
If you can't immediately use the method of changing labels, when you encounter any opinion that you disagree with, please take a deep breath and ask yourself a question: "Is it good for me to stick to my ideas?" Ask it multiple times, and you will have more time to listen to and digest different opinions. As you can tolerate more and more opinions, it means that you have slowly put down those bigotries you once had, A calm and tolerant person naturally makes the comfort zone for people to interact more and more large, and also naturally makes people more willing to be close. Of course, if you believe that your persistence still brings benefits to you despite having persisted for so many years and becoming increasingly difficult, then you can also fully believe that you are paranoid. There are also many unmarried people in the world who have used their paranoia to achieve one success after another in their careers.
After marriage, older young people will regret every harsh word they have ever said, not only because of those words, but also because their once paranoid self was so foolish that it hurts.
