"Personality assassination" often occurs in couples' quarrels, which involves saying malicious words (not necessarily abusive words) that can sting the other person, or specifically exposing the other person's heartache and taboos to attack the other person.
Learning to "control anger" is the key to "personality assassination" in a couple's quarrel. When people are angry, their words can hurt others, and the meaning they want to convey cannot be conveyed. The psychological defense mechanism of the obedient party has been activated, and no explanation (referring to real communication) can be heard. So when one party is angry, the other party should leave the scene until the other party or both parties calm down before talking. "If you are angry and have to say something, count it silently in your heart.". The ideal number is from 1 to 30; I can't help but count from 1 to 10 and then say what you want to say. Psychological research on anger generation and anger control has shown that after a few seconds to tens of seconds of time interval, the aggressiveness of words spoken is milder and more rational than words immediately uttered (or cursed), and the harm to the other party is also smaller.
The principle of fairness in marital disputes also involves other areas. For example, couples should not quarrel in front of their children. By doing this often, children may learn the bad habit of basing their relationship on noise. When children grow up, they will treat their spouses in the same way, resulting in a messy marriage and family relationship.
More seriously, if one spouse confides in their children about the other's bad things and attempts to bring the child into the united front to attack the other, it will have disastrous consequences for the child's spirit and personality. In the long run, children may experience serious psychological disorders or serious behavioral problems due to mental overload.
In short, it is impossible for a husband and wife to never quarrel, but if they do, it is necessary to solve the problem. So in a quarrel, at least learn to grasp some principles. In this way, there will be no loss of justice, less harm to each other, and more rationality and methods for solving problems.
(Intern Editor: Chen Hao)