Post Date December, 02 2023
My marriage has serious problems. Please help me! "My husband has been unfaithful, and more than once, he has had one night stands or continuous sexual relationships with multiple female netizens, which makes me very sad.". Of course, I didn't lose my reason to cry, make trouble, and hang myself just because I found something like this. Because I've been reading your article for a long time, I've learned to introspect. Reflecting on how our marriage has come to this point, I think I also have a certain responsibility.
"I feel a bit frigid about sex because I don't have a strong desire for sex, and I haven't experienced orgasms since I married my husband for many years.". How old is my child now? Over the years, my husband has always taken the initiative in sexual life. Our sexual life is like a task for me between husband and wife. The estimate that caused him to cheat is that every time after we quarreled or had conflicts, as long as I was angry or dissatisfied with him, I would categorically refuse to have sex with him, and not for a short period of time. As long as there is still a misunderstanding in my heart about the conflict that occurred, he cannot touch me, because I am a woman who fully follows love and has sex, and when I become popular, I cannot have intimate behavior with a person; Another reason is that I know the importance of sex to men, so when two people are having trouble, I don't satisfy them, hoping that they will know my dissatisfaction, treat me better or compromise with me. "Over the years, I have been dealing with our problems in this way. I have always believed that sexual life can only be conducted between husband and wife. If I do not satisfy him, he must compromise with me, because I believe that a person should not do immoral things to satisfy his own animal nature, and he will not have sexual relations with women other than his wife in order to satisfy his sexual needs.".
"I didn't expect my thoughts to be really naive over the years. When I learned that he was cheating, I was heartbroken, but after he confessed that the reason for cheating was to meet my physiological needs, I began to realize my problem.". I love him and don't want to lose him, so please help me, what can I do to make him change his mind? Can't I refuse his request even when a husband and wife are having trouble?
Re:
"Because a couple can refuse to have sex with their husband for a long time due to a quarrel, it is not necessary to be reminded of this situation. I believe that you know that marriage is bound to have problems, unless your husband is an abnormal man.". So, indeed, as you said, if there is a problem with your marriage, your responsibility cannot be shirked.
Women are aquatic animals, so they tend to think a lot of things on their own, such as when there are conflicts between husband and wife, choosing to use sex as a bargaining chip to sexually punish their husband - refusing to have sex with him through emotions until the relationship turns around as they wish. However, this approach can only be counterproductive, and it does have some effect in the initial stage. Men sometimes choose to compromise in order to pacify others, but over time, men may also feel disgusted with this approach, because there are many principled issues that can be compromised. Moreover, when couples get along with each other for a long time and the novelty fades away, the sexual affairs of the couple originally become much more insipid. You should also deliberately isolate them. If the other party is not strong in moral self-control, it is natural to turn around and find a woman outside; Even if the other party is a man with a strong sense of self-discipline and morality who does not cheat, how can your marriage lead to happiness if you treat him like this? Therefore, regardless of the reason, women selectively punish their beloved men, and the result is absolutely not good. Moreover, you are really powerful, and can be punished for a month or two.
Of course, this is not to say that when there is a conflict between husband and wife, a woman must satisfy a man's sexual needs even if she is unwilling to do so. Rather, in terms of conceptual cognition, women should not first regard sexual life as a means of "struggle" between husband and wife. Sexual life is both a right and a duty between husband and wife; Sexual needs are also a human instinct, and should not become a soft spot in relationships. Once the sexual needs of the other party are used as a weapon of attack, marriage will inevitably face crisis, so sexual punishment is definitely not feasible.
It is necessary to conceptually correct such sexual cognition and superior psychology. No one needs to beg for sexual satisfaction from anyone. When you have a correct understanding of the sexual affairs of a husband and wife, you will slowly correct such behavior. At the same time, it is also necessary to introspect and improve one's personality and temperament. Women who are too small and angry can make people feel difficult to get along with. It is also bad for couples to accumulate conflicts for too long. Too many cold wars or conflicts can seriously affect each other's feelings, and over time, it is inevitable that marriage will change. From what you have said, your husband's infidelity is due to unsatisfied sexual needs, as well as the fact that his wife is too "cruel and cold" and does not have too much emotional entanglement with others, which is easier to solve. By correcting your own cognition and behavior, introspecting your temper and personality, and improving yourself, I believe that your marriage will slowly return to the right track. No matter what, don't use sexual punishment to suppress your husband, Unless you don't want this man and this marriage.
When you have a correct understanding of sex, first of all, you will no longer use sex as a bargaining chip; Knowing how to introspect and grow up through temperament and personality can shorten the cold war period after a quarrel between a husband and wife, and avoid conflicts with the sexual cycle. Naturally, there is no need to consider the issue of sexual desire. If it happens that they are still in conflict, and the husband has sexual demands, they feel that they can meet each other without violating their wishes; If you are not willing in your heart, you may as well openly tell your partner that you are not in good condition and hope that you can do wonderful things when you are in good condition with each other. There are many reasons and techniques for refusing, and it is fundamental to be tactful and not hurt the couple's principled emotions.
Women should remember not to use sexual punishment as a weapon in gender struggle, otherwise one day, you will inevitably stab yourself.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
