Post Date December, 03 2023
In a speech, an audience asked a question about my mother: My mother suffered a lot when she was young, and I loved her very much. But every time I went back to see her, I had to leave within three days. She has too much negative energy. She has been nagging about old things, which are all negative, and I can't resist it.
In fact, such things are quite common in life. I shared my experience with her: my mother also worked hard when she was young, so she was full of complaints and had a lot of negative energy. Although she has changed a lot since she believed in Jesus, sometimes she will complain about those who bullied her and grievances in the past. I heard from her that there was no problem, because I would not respond to her in terms of energy, but I could see that she was unhappy when she repeated these old things.
Once, I couldn't help telling her: Mom, these things are like garbage that has been buried in the ground for many years. You repeated them many times. Each time, you should take out the smelly garbage and chew it, sniff it and don't say it. You also need people beside you to suffer with you. Don't you feel sad when you are such a clean and clean person? She was much better after listening. Therefore, when you realize that your behavior is actually harmful to others and not self-interested, it is possible to stop it.
At the same time, I told the audience that sometimes, we still have to be brave to draw a line for ourselves and let our parents know that they also have some responsibilities for their own behavior. I suggested that she had planned to go back for three days. If she really couldn't bear it, she could tell her mother after one day: Mom, I love you very much and would like to come back to spend more time with you, but every time I am with you, you have to say these unpleasant old accounts. I can't bear it anymore, so I will go back first. Let parents know that we also have a bottom line, and can they properly converge? But I know that many children can't even say such words because they are afraid of their parents' sadness.
I have mentioned many times that if we want to grow into mature people, we must divorce our parents or wean. Get rid of them emotionally and energetically, and make a clear distinction.
I went through this hard road myself and successfully cut off the emotional bond with my parents. Now, my parents think that I am a good daughter with no words of filial piety. However, they can no longer control me by their expectations, or by making me feel guilty and ashamed. If they are in a bad mood or unhappy, I will try to make them happy, but if the reason for their unhappiness has nothing to do with me (or even with me), as long as I can't change it, I will allow them to be unhappy and give them the freedom to be unhappy. Because they are adults, they should be responsible for their emotions. I can't carry them on my shoulders as I used to. I'm tired and unhappy and can't help them at all.
When I said this, I saw that the audience's energy state was just a sad little girl with her mother on her back. She also has a lot of negative energy, which means that she made such a commitment to her mother unconsciously because she loved her mother: Mom, let me help you bear some of your pain. However, it is useless to do so, not only can't help my mother, but also lose my happiness.
Finally, I encouraged her to make herself happy and put down the heavy responsibility of making her mother happy. I forgot to remind her that she carries so much negative energy that her mother can't help telling her pain when she sees her (seeing others may not), because their energy is resonant. If she can really put down her mother's pain and become a happier person herself, then her positive energy will affect her mother, and her mother will not want to complain when she sees her in the future.
How did I come out?
Looking back on this experience, I can only say that on the path of spiritual practice, I have constantly strengthened my internal strength by accepting and facing my negative emotions, and constantly reminded myself that there are only three things in the world: God's things, others' things, and my own things. We can only be responsible for our own things, and at the same time, we will no longer force ourselves to meet their parents' expectations and please their parents, so we slowly put it down bit by bit.
I wish readers who have the same problem can also find a sky where they can fly freely, and don't burden themselves with their parents' unhappiness or the responsibility of pleasing them.
Every intimate relationship is tailored
Some men don't like their women going out. They worry that their partner's interpersonal interaction is too frequent, which will make them feel insecure. When meeting this type of boyfriend and husband, women should learn to enjoy their own happiness without being influenced by each other. When you can enjoy yourself, who will show his bad face to?
While chatting with a friend, she suddenly talked about the difficulties of her marriage. She said that in fact, there was no big problem. It was just that she and her husband were getting out of tune. My husband doesn't like socializing, doesn't like learning, and is very close to himself. In addition, she went out to work and make friends. He didn't like it at all. He just wanted her to wait for him at home every day and accompany him. Just be there. But she likes to do things, make friends and run outside.
Alas! The barriers to intimacy are tailored for everyone. If the character and behavior of the other person is something you can handle and control, and it doesn't conflict with you, then you won't fall in love with him or meet him.
She told me that the biggest pain was to come back happily after going out, only to see her husband face at home. She even wanted to leave him and live by herself. Anyway, the child grew up and didn't live at home.
I said to her: You have no right to ask him not to face you, just as he has no right to ask you not to work and play outside. She is a mature and intelligent woman, and she agrees with me very much at the moment. Then I suggested to her that since the children are gone and the home space is relatively large, it is better to decorate a private space of her own, which is relatively secret, can be closed, and has its own privacy. You can put some furniture, books, music, movies and other things you like in the space, which are completely of personal interest. When he faces each other, you go into your own private space and enjoy your time. Anyway, if you even want to break up with him, it is deemed that you have broken up with him. A person can enjoy what he likes happily without being influenced by him. She thought it was a very good idea.
I told her that the stinky face should be seen by others. If no one sees it and no one accepts it, the stinky face must be changed.
There must be a conflict between husband and wife because both sides insist on their positions and refuse to change, and they also want the other side to change first, so there is no solution. If one of them changes first, the other has to change. This is a double dance step, one step backward, one step forward and one step backward!
