Post Date December, 03 2023
Personality assassination "often occurs in marital arguments, which involves saying malicious words that can sting the other party (not necessarily insulting words), or specifically exposing the other party's heartache and taboos, in order to attack the other party.
Learning to "control anger" is a key tactic for couples to engage in "personality assassination" in arguments. When a person is angry, their words can hurt and their intended meaning cannot be conveyed. The psychological defense mechanism of the obedient party has already been activated, and they cannot listen to any explanatory words (referring to real communication). So when one party gets angry, the other party should leave the scene until the other party or both parties calm down before discussing. If you are in a fit of anger and have to say, silently count in your heart. The ideal number is from 1 to 30; I can't help but count from 1 to 10 and then say what you want to say. Psychological research on anger and anger control has shown that after a time interval of several seconds to several tens of seconds, the aggressiveness of words spoken is milder and more rational than those immediately spoken (or cursed), and the harm to the other party is also smaller.
The principle of fairness in marital disputes also involves other areas. For example, couples should not argue in front of their children. By doing this frequently, children may learn the bad habit of building a relationship between spouses based on noise. After growing up, children will treat their spouses in the same way, causing a mess in their marriage and family relationships.
Even more serious is that if one spouse confides in their children about the other's bad things and attempts to pull them into a united front to attack the other, it will have catastrophic consequences for the child's spirit and personality. In the long run, children may experience serious psychological disorders or behavioral problems due to mental exhaustion.
In short, it is impossible for couples to never argue, but if they do, it is necessary to solve the problem. So in arguments, at least learn to grasp some principles. In this way, there is no loss of justice, less harm to each other, and more rationality and methods to solve problems.
(Intern Editor: Chen Hao)
