A study in the United States has found that the vast majority of couples argue over trivial matters, such as snatching bedding during sleep, cooking salty dishes, how to arrange certain furniture, snoring, and so on. Married couples have an average of 167 arguments over daily matters every year. Although the reasons for arguing are small, if not handled correctly, it often leads to intense conflicts and ultimately affects the relationship between the couple.
What can couples do to "argue more and love more"? Taiwanese marriage counselor Matthew has provided some practical suggestions to effectively avoid conflicts and improve the quality of arguments.
In traditional beliefs, couples who respect each other like guests are role models for people to learn from, but living together all day long, it is inevitable that there will be bumps and turns. Actually, a couple's argument is not necessarily a bad thing. Learning the art of arguing not only solves problems, but also enhances relationships.
It's best not to cry.
Quarrels are not purely emotional confrontations, crying can affect emotions in decision-making. After the argument, joking or giving a small gift are all ways to resolve it.
Accept the other person's small flaws.
You already know the minor flaws of a loved one, such as snoring during sleep, littering socks, and making noises when eating. You should try to accept them even more after marriage. Don't exaggerate the other person's minor flaws, let alone constantly nag about them.
Not responding to the other party's roar.
Stick to your stance, but don't shout loudly. If your partner is used to expressing emotions through shouting, you must maintain calm. Some couples make a three-way agreement, and when one party discovers that they are about to lose control, they automatically leave the scene and come back to have a good conversation after their emotions calm down.
Do not seek help.
Once many women argue with their husbands, the most common thing they do is to find someone to complain. Most of your friends and family will stand on your side to help criticize the other party, but this undoubtedly adds fuel to the fire. Don't disclose your problems too much to others, solving them on your own is the best way.
Speak less of complaints and criticisms.
Arguing is a form of communication, so it is important to avoid using offensive or critical language. Instead of complaining about 'the house being so messy and you never help me clean it', it's better to say 'I hope we learn how to keep it clean together'.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)