Post Date December, 03 2023
Hui, female, 29 years old, university teacher
After reading the last letter left by my husband, I realized that I am actually the most greedy, pitiful, and pitiful woman in the world, as well as the most selfish and heartless
My husband Wei Tao and I grew up together as childhood sweethearts. From memory onwards, if any child bullies me, he will surely kick his butt over. We went to elementary school, middle school, and high school together. The two of us had the best grades in the village. In our sophomore year, we officially started dating. A year later, he was admitted to a key university in Shanghai, but due to my poor grades, I only went to a teacher's college in the provincial capital.
The four years of college were the most beautiful in our lives. As we were separated, the money we spent on phone calls every week exceeded the money we spent on meals. For the past four years, he has always insisted on visiting me once a month in the provincial capital. For these car and phone bills, he has been tutoring since his freshman year, sometimes getting three or four portions a week. In the past four years, apart from buying him a shirt, he didn't add any clothes. However, he often brought various delicious food and cute little things from Shanghai, and even bought me a piece of clothes on important days.
Obviously, I have no reason not to marry such a man when I meet him. Three years after graduating from college, we got married. The wedding was held in a rented house in the provincial capital, and I didn't buy anything. I just invited seven or eight classmates to have a good meal at home. But that day he gave me an unexpected gift - two salary cards and a list of the happiness he promised to give me for ten years after marriage - a house, a diamond ring, and all the household chores. That day I cried, and everyone present was moved to cry.
Sure enough, in the days after marriage, he really worked hard to fulfill all the promises on his happiness list. He works in design and not only completes the work of the unit every day, but also takes on many personal tasks. Sometimes, he is busy late at night for a small task worth fifty yuan. At the same time, I also took on all the household chores and didn't even let me wash my own underwear. The next year, he bought me a large diamond ring. In the fifth year, in 2004, we finally made a down payment of 100000 yuan and bought our own house with a mortgage in the provincial capital. In this way, his original promise of ten years was fulfilled ahead of schedule in only five years. Normally, I should feel happy and happy. However, during these five years, my thoughts have undergone changes unconsciously. Faced with his busy figure all day long, I feel at ease and even numb. With his constantly increasing monthly income, I feel rightfully or even indifferent... In short, I am no longer satisfied with the promises he makes and no longer nostalgic for the happiness that has consumed my youth. My vision has become increasingly broad, and I unconsciously compare myself with those wealthy colleagues around me, even spending half a month's salary to buy a pair of shoes. I know my desire has been constantly expanding under the temptation of the colorful world outside, but I cannot extricate myself.
In 2006, I met my colleague Wang Geng from our unit. He was the only son of a leader in our city. He was taller than Wei Tao, had great manners, and was also very handsome. His words and actions always gave me a sense of nostalgia.
The first time I had a relationship with him was during a trip organized by my unit. He gave me an LV bag and forcefully held me in his arms. I tried to push it away, but I was powerless. For the first time, he would come to me every once in a while, take me to a high-end club for dinner and beauty, take me for a ride in the suburbs with his Wang Geng Dirac, and also send me French perfume and Italian leather clothes.
The most important thing is that he always surprises me in bed, making me excited. These excitement are something that my husband and I have never experienced in so many years together. My desire for sex is like a dam that has been opened with a small hole, and under his guidance, the breach becomes bigger and bigger, so that I can never leave him again.
One night in the summer of 2008, Wang Geng drove me home, and our craziness in the car caused my husband to collide head-on. That night, he cried like a child, but he didn't say anything. The next day, he moved out of his house. A week later, he asked the lawyer to send me the divorce agreement, which he had drafted. He only took his own car, and left the other house and everything to me. At that time, I still lived in the shadow of Wang Geng without any awakening. Although I was very sad, I still signed the divorce agreement.
In June 2009, Wang Geng was prosecuted for being involved in a smuggling case. He turned his face on me overnight, asking me to return all the valuable items he gave me and demanding that I raise 100000 yuan for him within two days. Because of my refusal, he gave me a fierce beating, causing my spleen to rupture. During the more than a week lying in the hospital, Wei Tao was always with me. Afterwards, I learned that Wei Tao went to find Wang Geng and even stabbed him twice. It's just that he didn't tell me a word about it until his death.
In August 2009, Wang Geng was sentenced to imprisonment. But Wei Tao and I haven't returned to our past, although he still often comes home to help me clean up, but he always takes advantage of me not being at home. Over the past year, I have thought countless times about apologizing to him and begging for his forgiveness, but I never had the opportunity to speak up again.
I was the last to learn about his cancer. On the day of this year's Mid Autumn Festival, I took a flower basket to the hospital to visit him. I had planned to have a lot to say to him, but looking at him, who was as thin as a bone, I couldn't say a word and couldn't cry. He held my hand and looked at me with a weak yet focused gaze, his tearful eyes still filled with infinite tolerance and love. This is the last time I saw Wei Tao, and this last letter that made me cry and repent. If there are cars coming and going in heaven, I am willing to follow
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
