Gender marriage: What are the three emotions that are most likely to derail in marriage?
If a person lacks intimate feelings in life, or can't find someone to share the big and small things in life. Loneliness will arise spontaneously. This loneliness is precisely the main factor that causes extramarital love.
We have noticed that the number of disloyal people in society has been growing rapidly, forming a continuous trend. According to the latest research, more than 50% of married women and more than 70% of married men have the intention to cheat at least once.
Experience tells us that if the victims of extramarital love can find dangerous love images as soon as possible. Most can take preventive measures before things happen.
We have summed up three main reasons for extramarital love. If there are such dangerous signs in your marriage life. So whether your spouse actually has an affair or not, your relationship has started to deteriorate.
A wife said to us: "My husband Zhang fiddled with his computer as soon as he got home. One day when I went to the bookstore, my books and groceries fell to the ground when I tried to get my wallet. A kind man helped me lift the book and asked, 'Oh, do you like classical novels?' When I went to the bookstore after a star period, I happened to meet him again. The next day we talked for more than three hours. Things always go from one thing to another, but to be honest, it helped Our relationship is not about sex but about conversation. For Zhang, I'm just a reproductive machine, and that's all between us. This loneliness is unbearable. "
If a person lacks intimate feelings in life, if he can't find someone to share the big and small things in life. Loneliness will arise spontaneously. This loneliness is precisely the main factor that causes extramarital love.
One man said, "Although I have been thinking about other girlfriends for 11 years, I never really wanted to find an affair. One night, because my wife was out for a party alone, a woman invited me to her place for a drink or two. At first, I was shocked and nervous, and told her that I couldn't go. But that thought kept stimulating me. Two days later, I hung up on her, and it happened."
The temptation of external stimuli is the second common cause of infidelity between couples. After five or six years of marriage, the enthusiasm began to cool, and daily life fell into a fixed way. Once free couples also had children, and sexual life was always carried out in the same way at the same time. On the contrary, extramarital love provides many risky factors: flirting, chasing, danger, released emotions and fear of being found.
3、 Lack of communication
We heard a description of a quarrel between husband and wife: "I am very angry that my husband Liu never helps to take care of the children. I also have my job. What is annoying is that housekeeping has become my own business.
One Friday afternoon, he asked me what to eat for dinner. I replied, 'Eat the northwest wind!' After hearing this, he was furious, and I was even more angry. He ran out of the house and shouted, 'I don't have to endure this!' Later he told me that he and his girlfriend slept for the first time that night. "
Many couples lack awareness of the harmful ways of communication in their marriage life. They blame each other. As a result, anger and frustration permeate all aspects of life, especially sexual life. The establishment and maintenance of the relationship between husband and wife is achieved through the exchange of thoughts and feelings, and sexual life is the most important intimate way of emotional exchange.
Ms. Li said to us, "We quarreled about sex life. My husband felt that he was the one who took the initiative every time, so he was very unhappy. Indeed, he kept his face on me all day, so I didn't want to take the initiative at all. So he turned over to sleep with him and ignored me in the morning."
From these damaging ways of communication, both parties suffer greatly, and will have a stronger and stronger sense of abandonment. Anger and abuse, which attack each other, have filled the whole life of the couple. A mother admitted: "He drives me mad, and I won't let him."
A woman lawyer complained that although she was holding her breath, she still had to give way on the surface. "When I go to work, I the final say, and I give advice to others. But at home, no matter what the facts are, my husband always thinks that he is always right and I am always wrong." Think about it, will a couple in such a relationship seek love and sexual relations outside of marriage?
It is much more difficult and takes longer to save a marriage on the verge of collapse than to destroy it and end it. But if you insist on trying to rebuild your relationship, whether extramarital love has occurred or not, the following suggestions will help you:
Establish the concept of spouse priority
A woman doctor devoted herself to a research project for 11 months, ignoring her husband and family life. One night she went to bed at 12:30 after a day's hard work. Her husband got angry and said, "I've had enough! I can't even do your job."
Among all the things you care about - work, children, family, etc. - your relationship with your spouse must be put in the first place, and you must spend the main time and energy on the relationship between husband and wife, followed by other aspects of life. If you can't straighten out the primary and secondary relationship in this way, it's better to break up with your spouse as soon as possible.
A stockbroker complained, "I always want my wife to know that I need more care and affection. Sometimes I almost ask her to touch me, but she always digs the subject."
Both husband and wife should have the desire to seek change. They should start with the meticulous care of each other and pay attention to each other's needs. Then love will rise and sexual life will gradually become a meaningful act of love.
It takes time to rebuild a good relationship between husband and wife, and the experience of loving husband and wife shows that the continuation of this process is uncertain. They never take their spouse's cooperation as a natural thing.
Avoid quarrel-prone problems
Communication can not only hurt feelings, but also cultivate feelings. It can also frustrate and build self-esteem. Improper communication can easily lead to damaging ways. This way will erode people's self-worth and eventually destroy the cherished feelings of husband and wife.
Phil said, "It's always like that when we quarrel. She was very angry with me because of something, and then ran out to buy clothes. I was also very angry about it. We quarreled and scolded for money, which became the fuse of our quarrel."
People often fall into this vicious circle. Break this cycle and save Dim sum to avoid issues that are likely to cause quarrels, such as economic expenses, which are likely to cause spouse unhappiness. If you can recognize these problems and deal with them in a compromise way, the feelings of both parties will be further blended and the relationship between husband and wife will be more harmonious.
In love, men and women form an unwritten contract, which is usually a tacit understanding between the husband and the wife - two people are a whole, which was formed long before the marriage vow. The union of husband and wife is exclusive, and this exclusivity is marked by the intimacy of the union of the two sexes. The world of husband and wife is built in a contract that includes children, houses and common friendship.
This mutual understanding becomes the basis for the unbroken relationship between husband and wife. In the analysis at the end, we are also not sure what causes a specific person to break the contract and abandon his or her spouse into the arms of others.
However, we can say that if you eliminate some destructive factors in marriage life, you can feed the opportunity of infidelity, enhance the relationship between husband and wife, and create a family happiness that is shared by both parties and full of fun and happiness.