Mother is the first woman in a man's life, and she shapes the model of his future love life in his subconscious mind. The psychoanalyst Alan Blakneyer describes five types of mother images and summarizes the impact each type of mother has on men.
This is a unique kind of love in the world. Every mother knows very well how strong and special the emotional bond between mother and child is. "The relationship between mother and son is based on a narcissistic foundation that no competitor can shake." Sigmund Freud, the founder of the Oedipus complex theory, felt this most deeply, and his mother liked to call him the "Sigmund like gold.".
After entering the Oedipus complex period, a daughter will change her goal of love and shift her attention from her mother to her father. The son is different, and the goal of his love is always his mother. "It is the only non competitive relationship that will have a decisive impact on the love life of boys as they grow up." Bracknier emphasized, "The mother child relationship not only includes attachment, attraction, desire, and happiness, but also is shaped by the ideal image of a male projected by a mother and the relationship between oneself and the male conveyed by the mother."
Each mother has the characteristics of these five types of mothers at the same time, and one type will be more significantly manifested.
1、 Lover Mother
Their eyes, actions, and words all convey their romantic appreciation of their sons. They fully project their ideals for men on their sons, ready to praise their sons' physical and intellectual strengths, and proud of their sons' achievements.
In an explicit or implicit way, they outline a brilliant future for their son.
They want their sons to do their best in all aspects and are ready to sacrifice for them at any time, because their sons are the reason for their existence. Their demands and support have reached the same level, and they cannot tolerate the mediocrity of their sons or the mediocrity of the people around them.
They place all their hopes on their son. They may be very ordinary, but they always surround their son with a lot of praise and affection.
The power passed from mother to son is powerful. As a result, his son has a very strong self-confidence and is able to deal with the happenings of life without fear; At the emotional level, they will be very down-to-earth and have higher requirements.
"Supported and intoxicated by their mother's unconditional love, these" lucky ones "will strive to find a woman who can take over their mother's baton, hoping that she will gaze at herself with the same amazing gaze throughout her life.".
Unfortunately, most of their hopes will end in disappointment. Relationships with women always change rapidly. So the search will turn into conquest, and the "Prince Charming" will turn into a depressed and bitter "Don Juan" inside.
If they are lucky enough to find that "rare pearl", they will demand that the other party sacrifice for him and respect themselves throughout their lives. Women who are strong, independent, or charismatic usually don't interest them.
2、 Overprotective mothers
The image of a Jewish mother in a typical Woody Allen movie. They are anxious, possessive, close to their sons, and enjoy interfering in their sons' lives, with the aim of prolonging their unique mother-child relationship as much as possible.
They always use alternate methods: on the one hand, they intimidate their sons and exaggerate the dangers of all emotions and things; On the other hand, they also give their sons unlimited warmth, encourage, pamper, and flatter their sons.
Due to their deep anxiety, they convey their pessimistic perspective on interpersonal relationships to their sons, which can deepen their sons' anxiety and emotional dependence on their mothers.
Due to being "crushed" by excessive love, sons will grow up in anxiety, and they are emotionally immature and often feel guilty; "It may be difficult to establish intimate relationships with others, speak little, and tend to suppress their emotions... These men maintain an attachment to their mother and want to cut this umbilical cord, sometimes having to take a rude approach.".
Otherwise, this obsession with mothers will keep them at a distance from other women in their lives. These women are rarely recognized by their mother-in-law.
Therefore, sons of overprotective mothers often choose some naive women as wives because such women are more likely to be accepted by their mothers.
3、 Estranged mother
Due to their strong doubts about their ability to be mothers, they always live in fear of causing their sons to be wronged. They feel that everything they have - emotions, advice, contacts - can pose a potential danger to their sons.
Therefore, they deliberately alienate their son physically and emotionally, although they actually love him very much. However, if a son cannot understand the pain hidden behind his mother's indifference, he will feel that he has not received enough maternal love.
Among men with alienated mothers, there are sometimes people who despise women and even become cynical. Without a warm and comforting package from their mother, they have difficulty trusting women and often adopt a cynical attitude towards love and sexual life.
In order to protect themselves, they are very cautious in their emotional relationships, always wearing masks, and often exhibiting a breathtaking coldness. As a result, they always replicate this estranged relationship with women that has plagued them.
However, if they can reduce their vigilance and have the privilege of meeting a warm, generous, and secure woman, they will also devote themselves wholeheartedly to the partnership.
4、 Powerful mother
They are always in a war with men intentionally or unintentionally, eager to place men under their authority. They are arbitrary and domineering, completely controlling the power of the family. They remind their son that they are always the master of their family, but in different ways; Some mothers make no secret, while others "hide their iron wrists in velvet gloves.".
With such a strong mother, how can a son not fear when he comes into intimate contact with a woman? They often adopt a paradoxical attitude in their lives: seemingly trying to avoid such women, they are always looking for a replica of their mother in order to relive the control game they played with their mother back then.
However, after a relationship has lasted for some time, they often want to use cheating to break away from this suffocating relationship, but rarely can they really take this step. Of course, their submission to women is also limited; Once their male self-esteem is attacked by women, they will use verbal or mental violence to retaliate against their wives for all insults from their mothers.
5、 Amiable mother
She is first and foremost a happy woman who has received full satisfaction from her partner, so there is no need to place any excessive expectations or unrealistic ideals on her son. They are very concerned about their son's needs, and do not have to worry about them, nor do they need to repair themselves from their son.
They maintain a high degree of vigilance towards family happiness, leaving their children's fathers with their due place. They have multiple sources of happiness, and children are not the only reason for their existence. They pay attention to listening to their sons' voices, understand how to maintain a tacit understanding with their sons (especially teenagers), and never manipulate or interfere with their sons' wishes. In short, they love their sons, but they do not hinder their sons from loving other women.
This kind of mother can cultivate truly confident men. They have no doubt about their male charm and are very self aware when they are with women. A mother who lives happily with a man can make her son hope to become a man who can make a woman happy in the future.
"They know how to accept and express their emotions, show their charm to women, but they do not deceive each other, nor do they want to control each other.". They know how to combine the roles of friends and lovers without feeling dangerous in the competition for power.
But they also have a disadvantage: they tend to prioritize friendship with women over love. As Aristotle said: Friendship is the best future of love.