Post Date December, 02 2023
Extramarital Love: Starting from the "Rip off" in Marriage
Everyone is debating the draft amendment to the Marriage Law, with the focus on whether it is more difficult to make a divorce judgment. Some people advocate restraint and advocate for the "having" party in marriage; Some people also advocate that the law should treat the "publicity of human nature" loosely. These two viewpoints have their own applicable and non applicable situations. So, is there no middle way that can achieve the best of both worlds—— Let's start with 'extortion'.
The Rip off in Marriage
What is extortion for extramarital emotions? Two farmers have agreed on a long-term cooperation: one is responsible for fertilization, and the other is responsible for harvesting. Fertilization comes first, harvesting comes second. However, once the fertilizers have made their contributions, they can no longer recover them. At that time, the initiative will be in the hands of the reapers. The reapers may sprout an intention to not provide compensation according to the agreed amount, or even kick away the previous fertilizers. This is the widely discussed "extortion" behavior in institutional economics.
We know that the 'prime time' for men and women is not synchronized. The prime time for women comes early: beauty, skin color, body shape, childbirth, and breastfeeding are all concentrated in their youth, and by middle age they have already achieved great success. Men, on the other hand, have the opposite: their demeanor, career, wealth, and experience often do not show up until after middle age. It is a common practice for middle-aged husbands who have achieved success in their careers to abandon their wives who have made significant contributions to the family in their early years. Some statistics in the United States indicate that although divorce involves dividing family assets, men tend to fare better after divorce, while women tend to fare worse.
Marriage between men and women is aimed at long-term cooperation and security. Marriage contracts are "wholesale futures contracts for life". Should a 52 year old married person be responsible for the marriage contract they signed at the age of 25? Of course I should be responsible! The so-called 'responsibility' refers to the fact that the person making the engagement should bear a heavier cost.
It is particularly important to point out to individuals that everyone should strive to 'abide by contracts and keep promises'. This is not 'feudal conservatism', nor does it affect everyone's display of human nature. In the futures market, you can stand idly by and not participate in buying and selling - this is called 'personality'. However, once you make a promise and deliver the goods on time, you cannot just say "human nature" and walk away at that time - this is called "breaking promises".
Of course, according to current laws, marriage is "revocable". However, since marriage is a long-term contract and there is often a phenomenon of "extortion" in marriage, the Marriage Law, while allowing for divorce, adds some obstacles to "adjudicating divorce", provides more care to "those who have been extorted", and makes "defaulters" bear greater costs, thus compensating for the losses caused by their "dishonesty" to the other party, which is a reasonable design.
Everyone's Countermeasures for the Reform
So, how much is considered 'appropriate' to take care of 'those who have been ripped off' or to punish 'defaulters'? Never know. In this regard, there are no "scientific principles" or "international standards" to infer. The final revision of China's Marriage Law will be related to the influence of various forces and the personal preferences of legislators.
But that doesn't matter. No matter how strict or lenient the Marriage Law is amended, the biggest impact is only on those who were already married when the law was enacted. For those who have not yet married, they will assess the situation, adjust their strategies, and have reasonable expectations for themselves. As time goes by, the sweetness, bitterness, and spiciness of each person's lives will gradually return to their original level. After divorce becomes more difficult, the number of people who divorce will indeed decrease, but the number of people who get married will also decrease. The people who do not marry or postpone marriage now may be those who were easily divorced before the law was revised.
If divorce becomes more difficult, then those who believe they have a "promising future" will be more cautious in choosing a spouse, the average age of marriage will be postponed, and the probability of choosing not to marry will increase. On the contrary, if divorce becomes easier in the future, young women will be more cautious when choosing a spouse, and qualities such as "reliability", "sense of security", "sense of responsibility", and "career has already been established" will be more popular; And qualities such as "romance", "talent", "handsome", and "temperament" will depreciate.
Tolerance and diverse lifestyle
The rising divorce demography in China today is not caused by the lack of strict laws, but by factors such as population mobility, economic take-off, rapid changes in living conditions and life concepts. The average number of partners in a person's lifetime is about to increase, which is a difficult trend. Revising the law cannot change this reality. After the law is revised, the problem will not be eliminated, but will only appear in other forms.
For convenience, give an extreme example. If the proportion of eligible men and women in society remains 1:4 for a long time, with more boys and girls, is "monogamy" useful? It can only seem useful. Extramarital affairs will be very common. If prosecution and punishment are strengthened, then men will simply not marry. Anyway, the average man has to deal with four women, and the outcome will not change, it's just a matter of how. After the war, some countries with a sharp decline in male labor provided similar services.
We can modify the Marriage Law to make the marriage contract more solemn and sacred. But by doing so, people won't get married easily. Therefore, society should accept its side effects with tolerance, that is, the "alternative forms of marriage" will increase, including cohabitation, and so on. The common characteristic of these gender relationships is that the parties involved are voluntary. As long as it is a relationship where all parties voluntarily, tacitly, or indirectly, the law should not intervene through "public prosecution", as those are "no one's violations".
If only we could choose our own engagement template. It is best for the marriage law to leave some space for the parties who sign the marriage contract to customize certain rules themselves. We ran to the marriage registration office, selected satisfactory engagement templates, paid a patent fee to the designer of the template, and thanked him for his clever and meticulous design; Pay another management fee to compensate for the cost of supervising the execution of the contract. At that time, although we have signed a "sea withers and rocks crumble" marriage, we still need to file for divorce? That's also allowed, it's just a matter of losing everything.
