Catherine met with 100 such couples. The shortest marriage time is 7 years, and the longest is 55 years. Here is the common formula for these couples' enduring love.
1、 Intimacy formula: coordination and consideration
The vast majority of the 100 couples I met became intimate immediately after they met. They feel an unstoppable emotion that wants to be united and share their lives.
This intimate relationship involves a harmonious and thoughtful friendship based on both consistent enthusiasm and mutual differences. A wife put forward an interesting viewpoint, saying, "A happy marriage comes from two people who are opposite in personality and consistent in basic circumstances." Her husband is an optimistic person by nature, but she is an introverted and pessimistic person. However, their common origin and religious beliefs made her fascinated by his spirit, while he was fascinated by her fragility.
2、 Shared Formula: Ideal and Goal
"One spouse is cooking breakfast, the other is walking the dog, and after breakfast, the couple reads the morning paper together. This is almost the case for all stable couples.". Although these trivial matters themselves do not produce happiness, they inject trust and responsibility into the marriage relationship.
Happy couples strive to make a difference in their homes. They work together to enable them to buy a farm or a store. No matter what their goals are, working together to achieve their ideals can brighten a marriage.
3、 Understanding Formula: Agreement and Desire
Couples who have a lasting love relationship rarely argue, and even if they get angry due to conflicts, they will be dealt with correctly. Of course, their methods of solving problems vary. "Some couples always resolve conflicts on the same day, some let them stay overnight, calm down and deal with them later, some shout, and some remain silent. One couple devised a way to avoid arguing. If one party said something irritating, the other party would shout, 'The train has derailed!'"
It is common for partners to make sarcastic remarks about each other, but there are adverse effects. More encouragement will have a much better effect.
Sometimes, despite their best efforts, when there is still a big fight, one or the other party will leave the room. The wife said, "If I go out, I'll be back in five minutes. We don't even have to say 'I'm sorry' because we're so happy that the two of us are together again." The couple used this method to avoid further arguments, and the withdrawal of one party reminded the other of their agreement and their good wishes for marriage.
4、 Nourishing Formula: Expectations and Expectations
"When spouses focus on each other's strengths, their marriage will be nurtured. This does not mean that both parties need to be optimists, but they may also be pessimistic, impatient, and melancholic.".
Optimistic realism is one of the characteristics of a happy marriage. Mature marriage and love means accepting that we all have shortcomings. Being a realist means that marriage has its ups and downs, and when things go well and there are difficulties, it's better to face them instead of nagging.
Positive expectations can play a huge role. Those who are best at finding the strengths of their spouses develop the best relationships and have the best expectations for their spouses. When we like someone, we see our best selves in his or her eyes.
5、 Changing the Formula: Beliefs and Beliefs
Many happy couples know how to change themselves. They say that they have changed more since they got married, and they all feel better about themselves, and their spouses agree with this. Unexpectedly, many happy couples have experienced marital crises, but their marriages have survived and become increasingly successful.
"For the development of love, it is necessary to give up some things, but no one requires giving up personal development. The key is to estimate the scope for change.". A change on one side can temporarily shake the status quo of the relationship, and in fact, it can encourage the other side.
Believing that your spouse will always change some of his or her shortcomings and help maintain a marital relationship. In fact, people do change. It should be believed that people cannot remain unchanged, and that a good marriage can help people's love become better.
6、 Understanding Formula: Sincerity and Honesty
Couples need to maintain a strong, vibrant, faultless, and pure sexual relationship.
The artistic conception of love is mainly based on sex - no matter how frequent and intense the conflicts between you are, but when the marriage and love relationship moves forward, be aware of what you value - his humor, optimistic attitude, and her encouragement and consideration for you.
For most couples, maintaining loyalty to their spouse does not make marriage happy, but it can make marriage possible. Obviously, loyalty is the most basic requirement between couples, so that your needs for your partner can be consistent, making it easier for you to talk candidly to him, not only helping him talk about feelings, but also making him feel that you understand him or her.
7、 Equality Formula: Dominance and Equality
By the time couples reach their forties or fifties, they will no longer argue over who owns the family, even if they have ever argued. Although there may be conflicts, they are not motivated by power and status, and in their minds, no matter what they do, their efforts are considered important. When you start to think more about and care about your relationship, you will receive more rewards from each other.
The equal relationship between happy couples is most clearly manifested in their financial management. Every happy couple, without exception, says that their family income is theirs, neither his nor hers, and they never argue over financial control.
8、 Friend Formula: Pursuit and Respect
Happy marriage and love treat their spouses as their closest friends. However, if their relationship is sometimes not sufficiently trusting or gentle, then it is important to make arrangements for what to do more formally. Positive arrangements have positive spouse effects.
Among these long-lasting "friends", the wife is fully free to pursue her own ideals, knowing that her husband's love and respect for her are unconditional, regardless of whether he understands her decision or not. Conversely, the husband's decision is also the same