Due to the poor relationship between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, my marriage with my husband has collapsed

Because of my mother-in-law's problems, I have been in too much pain for the past 16 years, often arguing with my husband. I fell in love with my husband at first sight. My mother-in-law said it was depression at the time, but it seemed basically normal. Marriage ceremonies were not allowed, and we were superstitious. They said it was not good for her. In order to avoid making her angry, I also agreed. I felt uncomfortable, just like running away from someone else. There were no customers, no candy, and no wedding room for us. She also took down the new quilts she made for us, saying that it was not good to have a mandarin duck, and asked me to burn the burden she gave me. She said that not burning it was not good for her illness. At that time, because of love, she had to let her go, and because of these trivial matters, my husband and I began to argue. We work outside and earn very little money without education, renting a 6 square meter house to live in. Later, my husband got pestis, and I sent him to the hospital. At that time, there was no money. The doctor asked for money when he saw me. When I saw the doctor, his legs trembled. Later on, I paid the money I borrowed from his uncle and gradually paid it back. No one came to see us.

Every time we go back to our hometown, his parents don't buy anything, so we buy big and small bags at home. Because we don't buy anything we haven't eaten during the Chinese New Year, we eat boiled cabbage and cook a meal for a few days. During the Chinese New Year, we don't let dumplings be made or set off firecrackers. I just met, and during the Chinese New Year, my grandparents have to pay red envelopes. It's not a common custom, but I don't have any. I have been in poor health since I was young. I have been suffering from colds and joint pain all day. I graduated from junior high school and went to work, which was too tiring. However, I also gritted my teeth and persisted because I didn't want to keep my parents worried, but my parents also didn't feel sorry and understood me. At that time, I saved around 15000 yuan and kept it with my parents. Later, my father gave me 4000 yuan, and the rest of my brother got married and gave it to him. My brother had six large houses, but I didn't have anything. I always regarded my parents as pillars in my heart, but at that moment, they also collapsed.

Later on, I met my husband and we worked outside. Every time I went back, I was wronged because I had a sister-in-law who didn't do any work and made dumplings. My back hurt and I made dumplings alone. My sister-in-law sat there and had to make filling for her alone. She didn't eat meat. I don't even have a home, like my mother-in-law in law and my sister-in-law in my own house. I couldn't conceive at first, so I had to go to the hospital every week. It took me two years to go and cost me 20000 yuan, and my mental state was almost shattered. When I was 4 months pregnant, I went back to my hometown and got into a fight with my sister-in-law due to old and new grudges. Later on, we didn't speak for several years. Every time I went back, my mother asked me to apologize. During this period, I also bought a house and finally had my own home and children. I took care of them myself and no one helped me. My mother-in-law was also seriously ill. I advised my husband to take her to a large hospital to see her. At that time, I had to take my child and my mother-in-law to the hospital. After checking, it was found that my health was fine, but it was depression. After living with my mother-in-law for 6 months, my hair turned gray by dozens. Later on, my mother-in-law recovered, and when she was sick, she said sorry to me. When she was good, she spoke very forcefully, and at that time, I was very angry. In the past six months, for my mother-in-law's sake, I have almost become depressed. I have worked so hard for them and received injustice, but my parents have always criticized me. I went back to my mother's house and drove me back.

My mother-in-law has been recovering for a month and has fallen ill again. I happened to go back and take her to the city hospital to see her. She has been recovering for a few more months, but she is no longer good. In the past few years of taking care of my children at home, my husband has been picking on me and not looking up to me. In 2008, I discovered the early stages of cancer. At that time, I was in agony. My child was 4 years old. What should I do if the child died? I was hospitalized for surgery, feeling stressed, scared, and in pain, I hid behind the sofa and hugged the bedside at night, feeling safe. Sometimes I argue and cry until I burst into laughter. Seeing how ruthless they are, I realize that without love, I have nothing. Call my sister, she's also tired of me. I was lying in bed, with my child crawling around beside me. The child overturned the porridge, and my husband kicked the child into tears. I heard the child cry, but I couldn't help but feel heartbroken. I called my mother-in-law and wanted to talk to her son, but she said she couldn't control it.

I finished chemotherapy and went back to my hometown. My mother-in-law was lying on the kang, and I made dumplings for them to eat. Later on, I got tired. My husband needed me to comfort, my mother-in-law needed me to comfort, my child needed me to comfort, and I had cancer myself, just like a glass of water. They all drank up and needed water every day. If you don't give them, they say you're not filial. My body has been recovering for two years. My husband makes me earn money every day, treating me like a cash cow. If I don't have money, I go to the hospital. If my mother-in-law is sick, I go to the hospital. I endure it, and when I buy some medicine, my husband looks gloomy. My husband always stands with his parents, and I can never argue with my mother-in-law. Therefore, I often want to divorce and completely leave their home. Can the teacher help me with this?

I can't go on living now; Retreat, there is no way out. My body is already like this, and I can't bear to do it for the child. However, my actions have a negative impact on the child, and I am in great pain. My current body is working to take care of the children, but I can't do it myself. I divorced him, he didn't have to worry about finding a partner, and I wasn't willing to go through the toughest days with her. They were better off, and I was about to be cleared. I wasn't willing, divorce, I definitely wouldn't give him a child, and it would be very difficult for me to take care of myself. He is actually more family oriented, doesn't smoke, doesn't worry, and is a relatively upright person. However, every time he quarrels, his husband always protects his mother-in-law, which makes me angry. When I talk to him, he says I'm nagging, he doesn't listen at all, he says he's okay, he says I'm narrow-minded and not generous enough, but I can't bear it anymore. I hope Shan Ge can give me some guidance.

Reply

On the surface, your marriage is on the brink of collapse due to conflicts between you and your mother-in-law, but in reality, it may be due to issues with your own mindset and behavior. In addition to your mother-in-law, you are the target of extensive roast and complaints, as well as many relatives around you, including your husband, parents, sister, brother and sister-in-law. Do all these people look down on you, are your public enemies, and are unwilling to see you? I don't think it would be like this!

Many times, we still need to reflect on ourselves more. Only by finding our own problems can we better solve them. Of course, I sympathize with your experience. Unfortunately, you have a tumor. Fortunately, it was discovered early on. For this disease, I hope you can still establish confidence in winning, maintain a good mentality, and fully adjust your emotions. This is very helpful for the recovery of the disease. Perhaps it is because of the significant fluctuations in your mentality and mental state over the years that have led to health issues in your body.

In fact, getting along with others is not easy. To get along well, one needs a good mindset, a simple demeanor, not to worry too much about gains and losses, and to understand tolerance and generosity. I know that you may have your own grievances, you may have your own inner grievances. However, sometimes life is filled with all kinds of storms, and nine out of ten, life is not always satisfactory. It's impossible for everything to be perfect and smooth. Since the original path of marriage was chosen by oneself, and since that partner was the one I once loved deeply, no matter what problems I encounter, I must find ways to overcome them. In the end, complaining, roast, resentment, and blaming can't solve the problem, and will only make your mind worse and make your mood less beautiful.

It's better not to take the path of divorce easily. In fact, you are not willing to divorce in your heart. Since you can't give up this marriage or let go of that innocent child, you must adjust your mentality well. The top priority is to repair and improve your marital relationship, and to promote the harmony of the relationship, you may still need to start by improving the mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship, You need to continue to be kind to your mother-in-law, quit hostility towards them, and even if you lower your stance in front of them, even if you suffer a small loss, it will be worth it in exchange for the love and harmony of your husband and wife. After all, your husband and wife do not have any major issues of principle, and besides, you are a junior who has been holding back for so many years. If the problem is not so serious, it is still worth making efforts and adjustments towards acceptance and tolerance. What grievances and frustrations do you have? Actually, it is necessary to communicate effectively with your husband. The way and method of communication are very important. When encountering problems, do not pour out the grievances you have suffered from your mother-in-law on your husband, but find ways to win his understanding and support, so that he can stand on your side, at least he can be more clear to judge the right and wrong between you and your mother-in-law.

So, in a marriage, managing and balancing the relationships between family members is essential to ensure the stability of the marriage. If you believe that you have done well enough in the past and it is not really your problem, and feel hopeless about this marriage, then you have the right to make your own choices about it. But in terms of your current state and situation, choosing the path of divorce may not seem like a good path, so it's better to refer to your husband's specific attitude towards you and make the final decision objectively and rationally based on your true heart. Good luck!