Post Date December, 03 2023
Recently, I found that my trusted wife and one of her male colleagues have been texting frequently, but there have been no other findings. I have talked to her many times and discussed it many times. She believes that she has no problem and has not done anything wrong to me. But the explanation for the text message was only a light touch, saying that her male colleague liked her but had been in contact with each other for many years. It should be because we had a good impression of each other, and it started before we got married. I feel heartbroken when I think about it.
We got married in 2006, which I discovered in August of last year. I have been thinking about it every day and have said it many times. I have also said I won't mention it again, but I can't handle it psychologically. I won't let their unit go out for dinner at night. I also want to know her QQ and email. She always says that the more she oppresses, the more she resists. I don't know when I can live without doubting her, or when I can live with peace of mind. Forget about divorce. I can't live in the shadows for the rest of my life, but we have a 5-year-old daughter who is very cute. I can't bear to see her live as a single parent from such a young age. I can't bear it psychologically. I have been doubting my wife all day, hating that man all day, and living in depression all day. I also want to forget, always thinking uncontrollably, feeling like I'm about to collapse. Please help me, teacher. How can I relieve this pain? Thank you.
Ms. Zhang:
From your pain, I can feel that you are a delicate person with pure demands for emotions. Facing a wife who keeps texting with other men, for you, it can indeed make you feel very tormented. You are almost suffocated.
It's better to put in effort to change the current painful situation than to imagine the interaction between your wife and that man in your mind alone.
Start with yourself and see if you are not good enough, if you are dissatisfied with your wife, if you can improve, or if you can listen to your wife's opinions on you. If your love for her can already fill her heart, she has no space to give to others, nor does she have time to seek comfort and sustenance from others.
Secondly, you can communicate with your wife and tell them that you cannot accept her cross-border behavior. If it's just a greeting from an ordinary friend, you should also give her appropriate space. Otherwise, as she said, the more pressure you put on her, the more resistance you will make her feel that you are blaming her for not being there, which makes her feel psychologically uncomfortable. This will only make things worse.
Once again, you can be an open minded man, go to dinner with your wife and colleagues, let the male colleague know the love between your husband and wife. He has no chance to take advantage of it, and if he wants to plot against you, he will also know the difficulties and retreat. By the way, you can also go to the scene to experience whether the relationship between your wife and that male colleague is extraordinary. With your own eyes, you don't have to stay in imagination all day and become trapped in your own cocoon.
Finally, my advice for you is to cultivate your own interests and hobbies more, and not focus too much energy on your wife. You can completely search for your own circle. On the one hand, you can divert your attention and not be bound by seemingly non-existent things. On the other hand, you can also attract your wife's curiosity about you. This way, your marriage life will inject a continuous stream of living water, and you can breathe freely.
