Post Date December, 03 2023
Whether it's men chasing women or women chasing men, I think it's common for many people to be asked by friends more or less, or I have asked others this question myself: Do I want to rush? In fact, it is not necessarily this question, but a question in line with this concept.
First of all, I want to make a digression. I recently found that language really has a profound impact on human beings! How we think, operate, face the methods of personnel and things, and cut into the angle, most of the time, we can not escape because of language. Like before I went to learn singing, my singing teacher said that the pitch was not high in fact, it was just different frequencies in essence, so the failure to sing was mostly due to psychological factors. I thought that it needed to climb and was upward, so I couldn't sing. However, it is strange that as long as you redefine it in your heart, you can sing it at different frequencies on the same level. And many people can't sing the bass well, but few people are afraid of the bass because they think it is very low.
So when we say the word "chasing", we may already be speaking on the premise of unequal relationship. We are all human beings in ordinary times. Why do we need to chase hard to create a friend relationship instead of a love relationship? Is it because the other side doesn't want you to catch up, so they run fast? Or is the other party's level too high for you to chase? This word alone affects people's concept of relationship. I have to work hard and do something special to catch up with it. I have to be behind him or understand that it is possible that he or she is running in the opposite direction of my existence. Or we are talking about relationship promotion. Let's think that friends become lovers in the relationship are discussed on the same scale, but in fact, friends and lovers are fundamentally different scales.
Well, although this is a digression, it has something to do with the topic I'm going to talk about today. Why is it a sad question whether I want to rush? Then we will talk about what caused you to ask whether you want to contradict this concept?
Let's discuss this concept first. What kind of concept is it? As we just said, this sentence may not be asked in this way. There are many forms of asking, but basically it conveys a message that I am not sure what the situation is now, and I think if the showdown is not carried out now, the relationship may move in the direction I don't want. Whether this direction is to become friends or strangers. Step back, what makes you/you think it is necessary to "rush"? Why do you feel uneasy or even anxious about whether to rush or not? In short, it is difficult to sit and do something.
Usually, the superficial reason why you start to be unstable is that you want to push the relationship forward (on the psychological level), but you find that the other person doesn't move (on the physical level). OK, so the other side didn't move. This is what it looks like on the surface, so you will start to think, how long is the psychological fact of the other side didn't move? There are usually the following possibilities:
1. The other side doesn't know I want to push forward, but he wants to push forward, so he is waiting for me to do so he doesn't move
2. The other side knows I want to push forward, but he doesn't want to push forward, so he doesn't move
3. The other side didn't know I wanted to push, but he didn't want to push, so he didn't move
So no matter how long the facts are, the probability that the other side wants to push forward is less in terms of options. If the conditions of the situation are taken into account, the probability is actually lower. More importantly, when we are thinking about whether or not to rush the concept, we tend to hope that 1 can happen. When we have strong hopes for a situation, our brains usually begin to distort the facts and try to squeeze all situations into the situation that can be interpreted as situation 1. For example, at this time, they will say that the other party is wood, the girl is too reserved, and so on.
Of course, this reason is true, but the devil is hidden in the details. In fact, we should not deceive ourselves. Don't care what your mind thinks first. The higher the index of your inner restlessness, the higher the probability of your failure. If you will have no problems when making friends, then we can make sure that you have no problems with your feelings in the relationship, so the inner floating degree can also be used as an accurate indicator. Unless you can't make friends, the floating index may not work, but if you can't make friends, the odds of the opposite sex liking you are lower
Let's not talk about the initiative or passivity of boys and girls. Even girls who like boys will try all kinds of inconspicuous ways to approach them, let alone boys! The desire to be closer to the object you like is the desire that people will have as long as they are human, which has nothing to do with men and women. It's just different in form. So if both people are interesting, they will gradually get closer and closer along with this social mechanics. In theory, there is no need to rush at all. If you find yourself threatened by the current situation and want to do something to change it, you have a high probability that the other side doesn't want to go further with you on the psychological level.
Friends are also the same. If two people have the intention of further communication with each other, they don't need someone to rush to be friends. They will naturally come together. And it will not form such a strange situation.
Well, I know you/you still hope 1 can happen no matter what, just want to rush! I'm not saying that you can't rush, but when you rush to change the situation, this behavior will cause pressure on the other party. Because you do this to make 1 happen, and cannot accept the fact that 2 and 3 are emotional, so if the other party doesn't want to go further in the heart, plus pressure, they will want to leave you further. If you don't want to change the situation but just want to express your favorite mood, let the other party know his value, and make him feel like and happy, then the same showdown is absolutely OK, because it will not cause pressure on the other party.
So after all, if two people want to go together again, there is no need to tangle and hesitate to rush... Well, it's not necessary, but your mentality. If so, you won't have to rush. I'm not sure what the current situation is, and I think that if we don't have a showdown now, this relationship may move in the direction I don't want. Ideas appear. So, can you see if it's a sad thing to ask whether to rush or not?
