Post Date December, 03 2023
Some people ask: After having an affair, they also say that their favorite person is their wife. Why You shouldn't have an affair if you only love your wife, shouldn't you? Although it sounds strange, it is true in many cases. He can have a favorite in his heart, but that doesn't mean he won't go to pick wild flowers and have sex. Even if he has a top-class restaurant, he also wants to eat roadside stalls occasionally. He really only loves his wife. The rest is not love, but love, ambiguity, fun and novelty.
However, the so-called "love" and "love only" are not necessarily true love. If you really love someone, you will not want to have an affair or hurt the person you love. I only love him, which just shows that I don't love the object of the affair. Or maybe, in fact, he doesn't love anyone. He just likes playing, cheating and lying.
In today's society, marriage loyalty seems to have become difficult. We often see many celebrity affairs, even our friends around us. The divorce rate is so high, and most of it is because of affairs. Looking at it, we also seem to have a more pessimistic attitude towards marriage. I often receive letters from many readers asking questions, most of which are related to the cheating and cheating. In fact, many people will encounter this problem. Many people divorce because of the cheating, but more people do not divorce because of the cheating. A lot of people asked him if I would forgive him for having an affair? Do I want a divorce?
Divorce is a personal choice. There is nothing right or wrong. In addition to the party concerned, others can not decide or judge what, because life is his own life, and what kind of marriage he wants, or not, is his choice.
What's more, it is not easy for many people to divorce, because considering many problems at the family level, such as children, how to judge custody, how to divide property, economic problems, and even family and social pressure, it is very complicated to divorce, even if one party is not separated, it is still necessary to file a divorce lawsuit, and it is not easy to search for evidence for domestic violence and extramarital affairs.
Many people clearly know that marriage is no longer real, and the other party's affair is also justified, but they still won't divorce because they want to occupy the position of the palace, which has also become a competition. They think that divorce is to lose, or give up to the other party, so they can't leave, even if there is no love, it doesn't matter whether it is real or not, at least it is a certain wife, or the ghost of your family after death.
Back to the topic many people ask: Will you forgive the other half of the affair? I believe that many people will think about what to do if I encounter such a situation when they are single or unmarried? After I got married, someone asked me: If my other half had an affair, would I forgive him?, This question is difficult to answer. If it were you, how would you answer it?
To be honest, when I was young, I must have said: I can't forgive! But I have experienced a lot and seen a lot of people's marriages. I have been kicked and kicked before. After seeing a lot of world and life experience, and now entering into marriage, and becoming more mature, I found that the problem of life is not necessarily just right or wrong, nor absolutely right or wrong, but just depends on your perspective and position.
If a person is cheating or having an affair, he is morally or legally wrong, yes, but from the point of view of love, he may find that the mistress and Wang of the affair are true love. I am definitely not speaking for the cracker, but, according to my observation, some of them are in love (except those who play). So, they are right in love, but wrong in morality and law. Which end of the scale is right? Yes, they should not have developed love (or adultery) morally and legally, so anyone in this triangle relationship can feel that they are right and others are wrong.
The premise of not forgiving is that the person who has an affair sincerely apologizes and knows to make mistakes, so he is willing to turn back. If the other person doesn't want to look back and doesn't feel that he is wrong, then you have no chance to forgive him. Even if they put the reason for the affair on others, it is the fault of all the men in the world. The other side is forced (were you raped?), or killed and refused to admit it (you saw a ghost) What do you want to forgive a person who doesn't admit his mistakes?
Many people will say that if the other party won't come back at all, then it's just your personal idea. He doesn't need your fulfillment at all.
Now I will feel that I am willing to accept that everyone can make mistakes, just look at the extent of mistakes and where your bottom line is. But the key point is that after making mistakes, the other party is willing to repent, stop making mistakes, and try to repair the relationship. Because each other knows how to cherish fate and affection, and is willing to work hard for the marriage and family that are jointly managed. So there is nothing wrong with forgiving.
I have seen many marriages that have experienced extramarital affairs and marital changes. Because of the forgiveness of one party, the two people have restored their old friendship and worked hard for marriage. So, this is also very good! Many marriages are full of holes, but those who are willing to work hard will still try to repair it. If the two can pass the test together and make the relationship better, then forgiving each other will not be a bad choice.
I remember watching the movie The Vow (Love, Rebound), in which the heroine lost her memory because of a car accident, and later found out that her father had an affair that year. She ran angrily to ask her mother why she accepted her father. Her mother said that I was very impressed: I didn't leave because he did a wrong thing, but I stayed because he did a lot of things right.
Some people think that the affair is very serious, and they must leave, while others will forgive, because the other party knows the mistake and is willing to improve. The point of forgiveness is to sincerely change the past. Does the other party deserve your forgiveness? Can you really put down this mistake?
I always laugh and say that entering marriage should be prepared for the worst and the best. You should first think about what you should do if you encounter the worst thing? How to prevent it, how to avoid it, and how to deal with it. What should we do if the other party doesn't want us?, The best preparation is that you should have more confidence in yourself and have more pragmatic and rational ideas about marriage. You should be mature and stable enough to know what you are really suitable for and what your real marriage life is. When you step into marriage, you will not find that marriage is different from what you think after marriage.
If you are willing to forgive the other half of the affair, please base on the reason of love. It is not for his work, for his own face, for reality, for family, for children, for social pressure, to win Xiao San/Xiao Wang, etc. Forgiveness is because you are willing to love him, trust him again, give him a chance, and you are willing to work hard for marriage.
I might have said before: I can never forgive. Now I will think more. If I am willing to love him, I will probably forgive him. It depends on the seriousness of the matter and your acceptance.
But forgive this kind of thing, just once. Too many times, he is a recidivist.
If you really don't want to forgive, you should leave at once. Don't pretend to forgive without forgiving each other in your heart. You can make yourself miserable and you can't make each other happy. If you don't forgive, you can't forgive while you are still young and you are still able to leave gracefully, because you can leave, and it is not harmful to your life.
If you don't want to forgive, don't hesitate, don't repeat, and don't punish yourself with his mistakes for decades to come. Not to forgive is not to live with hatred, but to let go. You know, one day you will forgive him because you have to let yourself go.
Maybe from another perspective, he is such a person. Why do you want to change him? Why do you think marriage can change a person? If you know that he is a playmaker, why do you think marriage can tie him down? Instead of worrying about the issue of forgiveness, it is better to find a person who is really stable, loyal, has shoulders, doesn't like to play (or doesn't want to play after playing enough), and can really give you a sense of security and confidence.
You need to forgive, and the other party should know how to cherish your forgiveness.
Otherwise, forgiveness is too cheap. If you can afford it, he may not look up to it. He can apologize to you, but you can't apologize to yourself.
