Post Date December, 03 2023
The word "mistress" first appeared in the coastal cities of the south, and evolved from Cantonese. In the feudal society, people called a man's first wife "Big Grandma" and his second wife "Second Grandma", while the legacy of Cantonese has continued to this day.
Men in western European and American countries also have extramarital affairs, but there are few cases of "mistresses". They probably can't understand why Chinese men should give their hard-earned money to women other than their wives for free, buy houses and land for them, and even have children with them, and then turn back to fight for property with the children born by their wives. Moreover, Western men who have been deeply baptized by religious thoughts do not take their extramarital affairs for granted. On the contrary, they often cry bitterly after being found out and are eager to save their marriage. Chinese men, on the other hand, tend to openly cohabit with other women other than their wives (that is, "mistresses"), and rightfully ask their wives to work together with "mistresses", and ask their wives not to show dissatisfaction.
It is the dream of many Chinese men to embrace multiple beauties, enjoy the happiness of everyone and live in harmony like Wei Xiaobao in Jin Yong's works.
If we do not compare with men in Europe and America, people will simply talk about gene transmission (although there are also some reasons). In fact, in the phenomenon of "mistresses", a large part is the legacy of China's feudal culture of "wives, concubines, maidservants and prostitutes integrated" for more than 2000 years.
In ancient times, only the rich could have three wives and four concubines, so having concubines is a symbol of identity and success for the Chinese who value face. Xiang Yu said a saying that has been handed down to this day: "Wealth and honor do not return to their hometown, such as traveling in luxury at night, who knows!" Therefore, the ancients had the habit of "returning home in luxury", otherwise they thought that wealth would lose its due value.
So, if a man has money, how can he let the people around him know? He can't show his passbook at any time, and he is ashamed to write "I am rich" on his face. So his usual way is to buy a house and land, wear gold and silver, and then marry several concubines (today's men are buying villas, famous cars and bags of "mistresses") - so that he can appear to be successful, have status, have ability, and be respected.
Economists say that when a man creates surplus value, his inner imbalance and dissatisfaction become increasingly apparent.
On the basis of the legacy of feudalism, it is also easy for men to have a kind of thinking that if I create more value, I should enjoy more and possess more. Only in this way can I reflect my ability and achievements. When a man gains more material wealth than he can absorb, he will exaggerate the power he should gain, and the latent desire for conquest, possession and power also begins to expand, so he starts to dream boldly of a life state where "the red flag at home will not fall, and the colored flag will float outside" without punishment.
The ancients said that "full of warmth and lust". Those who are still struggling for basic living materials will not pack "mistresses" as proof.
At present, the emptiness of people's spiritual world is also one of the catalysts for men to become mistresses.
A friend told me about the plot of a foreign film. He said that there was a man who was cynical, full of dirty words and had a chaotic life, but his career was actually to sell the Bible. It made me laugh after listening to it: what a sharp contrast, the director's idea is really wonderful. However, I didn't know how to answer my friend's question. He asked me, "If that person is Chinese, what books might he sell?" I thought for a long time, but didn't get the answer.
The argument of the lack of belief of Chinese people has been shouting for many years, but there has been no improvement until today. Without faith and spiritual pursuit, people will feel a huge void in their hearts, and there will be a feeling that the whole person can't rely on. At this time, people will drift with the tide and gradually become numb. People have to try to shake their numb nerves with external stimulation (including "mistress" and extramarital sex) to experience a false sense of "I'm still alive"
Young men are less likely to pack "mistresses" because they still feel attractive and do not need to rely on money and sex to show themselves. At the age of 40, a man who is afraid of aging will feel that his youthful face can keep him charming.
This can also be used to explain the psychology of men who have to marry younger wives in their twenties. It is said that women are afraid of aging, but people do not know that men are also afraid of aging. What they are afraid of is the decline of physical vitality, especially in the matter of rolling sheets.
However, a young and fresh body can really stimulate a man's sexual ability in a short time and let him experience his long-lost style, thus creating the illusion of "she can make me stronger". However, a man in his fifties could not match a woman in his thirties at any time. At that time, he could only use money to fill the gap he had brought to women because of his lack of sexual ability.
Finally, in addition to their own problems, the reason why men are "mistresses" is that their spouses are not strong enough to protect their marriage.
Perhaps it is the reason for the traditional thought of Chinese women that "men are superior to women", perhaps it is the reason that behind every man who has a mistress, there is a wife who is not good at managing marital relationships, perhaps it is the reason that the development of China's current society makes the wife feel that she has been unable to stop her husband's behavior, and perhaps there are other unexpected reasons that lead to the wife of a man who has a mistress, unable to protect her marriage. This is a phenomenon worthy of sociologists' attention.
