Firstly, unrealistic expectations for spouses.
The emergence of marital problems is related to the perfect expectations held towards the spouse. For example, many girls expect their husbands to overcome all difficulties, while men expect their wives to be kind and tolerant towards all people and things. However, life is not so simple, and human behavior often changes according to specific circumstances.
A man may be stumped by an inconspicuous problem, a kind and tolerant woman may also be angered by some trivial troubles. At this point, people's perfect expectations for their spouses are ruthlessly denied by their spouses in reality, which leads to negative views of themselves or their partners. For example, they may think that no amount of effort can change them; He (she) turned out to be such an incurable person. Such views can also lead couples to develop anger and despair towards each other, ultimately turning the marriage red light on.
Secondly, unreasonable beliefs about marriage.
When people have the following beliefs and expectations about marriage and spouse, it is highly likely to cause problems in marriage:
1. It is necessary to "harmonize": it is believed that intimate partners should be completely consistent, and any inconsistency between them must be harmful and destructive to marriage.
2. 'Heart to heart' is not self understanding: It is believed that loving partners should not need to communicate directly to feel their true thoughts, which is' heart to heart '.
3. Believing that people cannot change, and the quality of relationships is also fixed and unchanging.
4. Believing that sexual life must always be perfect and should not have any flaws.
So, when there is a contrast between marital life and one's own expectations, one will feel disappointed and frustrated, gradually pushing marital life into the abyss.
Thirdly, there is a misconception about the unhappiness of marriage.
Unhappy couples often believe that their partner's negative behavior is caused by their "stubborn nature", while their partner's positive behavior is short-lived, accidental, and "fleeting". Always understanding marital life in this way can lead couples to habitually exaggerate the crisis in marriage, ignore happiness in marriage, and more easily give up or avoid solving problems until the marriage is on the brink of dissolution.
Psychologists have found that people's inability to achieve happy marriages is actually caused by the way they view their spouse and marriage. To make a happy marriage, one must first start from one's own inner beliefs, strive to view the relationship between spouses and their behavior in a more realistic, rational, and flexible way, and fill the marital life with a positive attitude and good communication.