Post Date December, 03 2023
In ancient times, Prince Pygmalion of Cyprus loved sculpture. One day, he successfully created the image of a beautiful woman. He couldn't put it down and watched it with a loving eye every day. Looking at it, the beauty was alive.
In 1963, Rosenthal and Ford told the student experimenters that the mice used for the maze experiment came from different species: smart mice and clumsy mice. In fact, mice come from the same population. However, the experimental results have drawn the conclusion that smart mice make fewer mistakes than clumsy mice, and this difference is statistically significant. Observe the behavior of the student experimenter when testing mice, and find no cheating or other things that distort the results. It seems to be inferred that the students who get smart mice are more able to encourage mice to go through the maze than the unfortunate students who get clumsy mice. Perhaps this affected the results of the experiment, because the experimenters treated the two groups of mice differently.
In 1968, two American psychologists came to a primary school. They chose three classes from grade one to grade six, and conducted a serious "development test" among the students. Then, they will notify the relevant teachers of the list of students with excellent development potential in praise. Eight months later, they came to the school again for the re-examination. The results showed that the students on the list had made remarkable progress in their grades, and were more outgoing in their emotions and personality, eager to learn, daring to express their opinions, and having a particularly harmonious relationship with teachers.
In fact, this is a psychological experiment of expectation conducted by psychologists. The list they provide is purely random. They imply teachers through "authoritative lies" and strengthen teachers' confidence in the students on the list. Although teachers always keep these lists hidden in their hearts, their hidden enthusiasm still nourishes the hearts of these students through their eyes, smiles and tones. In fact, they play the role of Pygmalion. Students are affected imperceptibly, so they become more confident, and the torrent of striving upward ripples in their blood vessels, so they unconsciously work harder in action, and the result is rapid progress. This amazing experiment was later known as the "Pygmalion effect" or "expectation effect" or "Rosenthal effect".
Therefore, the Pygmalion effect is also summarized as: "Say you can, you can't, you can't; say you can't, you can't, you can't." Pygmalion's optimistic expectations have positive practical significance, especially in marriage, with good expectations and psychological cues, you will reap more!
Couple, sensibility is greater than logic
Do you know the biggest characteristics of the relationship between husband and wife? The husband and wife can often be unreasonable. When the public said that the public was right and the woman said that the woman was right, the logic had already become garbage, which is why Lu Xiucai in the "Wulin Outlaws" said that "the son once said" and was raped.
Women, as long as coax; Men, why not? Clever ladies all know that it is better to be sensible than to cite the classics to explain why he should be virtuous and obedient. Either he should be scared or he cannot find the north, and the Pygmalion effect is a good way to make him dizzy.
Since it is a hint, it is needless to say that except for the eyes and body movements, which of the women who fascinate men at all times and all over the world is not a master? It sounds very difficult, but don't forget that you don't want to be a popular socialite, and you don't want to be a blue face confidant all over the world, so you don't need to treat it as learning. As long as you learn the basic kung fu skills and deal with him, it's enough!
What we need to do is actually very simple: let him believe that he is a good husband with full potential through positive feedback, and then use the standard of a good husband to restrain me. As for what is the standard of a good husband? It's up to you.
Point 1: Make him a better "self"
Hummer wife's quotation: "In my heart, there is only overtime without me. My home is not a collective dormitory! Look how good Wangcai is to his wife next door! Can't you learn from others?"
The husband said to himself, "I'm not Wangcai! That guy who plays poker downstairs every day is so good in your heart?"
It must be emphasized that "making him a better person" is the basis for the Pygmalion effect to work. We don't want to distort our husband into the so-called "perfect man" or "another man" by heart, but let him feel that he is being expected by positive psychological cues, let him know that he can do it, and help him release his full potential as a good husband,
In the end, he will become a better himself, not Brad? Peter.
Point 2: Don't try to reach the target in one step
Hummer's quotation: "Listen! You must quit smoking, don't lie in bed in the morning, and run 5 kilometers every day. Don't be lazy. I will follow you by bike..."
The husband said to himself, "Ah! My wife has become a Nazi, and I can't live this day!"
Rome wasn't built in a day, so was a good husband. We should first have a process of analysis and screening, at least according to the priority. For example, it is easier for him to be diligent in housekeeping than to turn in the "surplus grain", so we might as well start with simple things.
The eternal opponent of psychological suggestion is the "self" of the implied. Most deep-rooted habits come from the strongest "self" consciousness, so any change in behavior and habits is a negation of "self". If we fight against his most stubborn shortcomings at the beginning, what a long and arduous struggle would it take?
Anyway, he has so many problems, so it's better to choose a "soft persimmon" that is easy to see the effect first, so that it can be easily squeezed and then practiced.
Point 3: Make good use of his impression
Humvee quote: "If you are sloppy and don't shave, you can't shave? I won't go to the party with you!"
The husband said to himself, "Hmm? Do you dislike me? I used to be like this! Did you meet a little white face?"
A man's biggest weakness is face. He wants to fight for the face he doesn't have, but he can't lose the face he already has.
Face is a common name. The psychological name of this thing is "impression decoration": people always subconsciously want to be recognized and respected by others, and are willing to make changes to it. The more important the interpersonal relationship is, the stronger the psychological need is.
The mechanism of the Pygmalion effect is to make him feel that he has face first, and then set his face against his shortcomings, so that he can actively fight against his shortcomings while defending his face. For example, if you don't like his beard, you may caress his face after shaving, giving him a hint that "no beard is more handsome". But if we want to go further, we must introduce competition mechanism. The trick here is that "I think you are handsome" is far less effective than "I think you are more handsome than my boss".
There is another kind of face that is particularly important for men, that is, face as a father. "You are more handsome without a beard" is a compliment that works better than you.
Point 4: Focus on weak links
Hummer's quotation: "Look at you, don't you just fail the interview? No wonder you can't help it. Eggplant can't resist frost. I'm resigned!"
The husband said to himself, "Come on! I'm depressed enough. Even my wife thinks I'm Ah Dou. Do I want to go to the wall with this mud?"
As mentioned earlier, the essence of Pygmalion effect is positive psychological suggestion, and its eternal opponent is the "self" consciousness of the implied. Knowing this will help us find the best fighter and get twice the result with half the effort.
When is people's "self" consciousness weakest? The answer is when you are depressed.
After suffering setbacks, men often reflect on themselves or even deny themselves because of the failure of reality. At this time, men's sense of "self" is in a precarious position, which is the best time for women to take the initiative. Because this is the time when he needs positive suggestions most. Of course, we should give it to him, but at the same time we comfort him with a little bit of our own calculation. You can choose your own lines, even if it has nothing to do with his frustration. For example, you want him to do more housework:
"Didn't pass the interview? That's because they have no vision. My husband is so excellent that he can make a fortune by opening a restaurant. Honey, you don't know how delicious your cooking is!"
You see, is it quite simple?
Key point 5: Concealed purpose is acceptable
Hummer's quotation: "Is it so difficult for you to send a bunch of flowers? I suggest that you pretend to be confused, but I clearly say that you can't remember. Now the ultimatum is over, and tomorrow your vase will be empty again. Do you believe me to ask a more sensible one to send me?"
The husband said to himself, "Is this a gift of flowers or a confession? I haven't said that you are flirtatious, but you count me down to be slow! It's unreasonable!"
In marriage, the biggest enemy of the Pygmalion effect is the willfulness of women. Few wives are willing to muddle along with the unexpected behavior of their husbands. Especially when the wife really believes that she is a good husband and is full of expectations, his neglect in behavior can almost be regarded as a sin. The wives are often either cheering or pettishing.
Please note that you can make him feel "inspired", but don't make him feel "shaped". Because no one is willing to be shaped by others, everyone's "self" is protected by subconscious. Is he slow to respond to your suggestion? It doesn't matter. Let's stop and find another chance. Don't blame or complain about his negative response, which will alert his resistance consciousness. The psychological hint will only produce the best effect when he is unconscious, and think it is his own credit to be complacent!
Finally, I have to remind the relatively fierce or anxious wives that the Pygmalion effect can be used not only to turn stone into gold, but also to destroy the man's willingness to repay his husband in his post. A man is willing to degenerate only after his ambition is hit, so the best way to avoid his mediocrity is to make him think he can be outstanding.
And vice versa.
Smart wife turns stone into gold Special reminder:
In theory, as long as you persevere, any strong sense of "self" will be implied. But some professional practitioners, whose work has given them more antagonistic thinking habits, are far more immune to the Pygmalion effect than ordinary people.
1. Criminal police: Their thinking and judgment on the motives of other people's actions have been trained in years of struggle against the enemy, and are as sensitive as conditional reflex.
2. Lawyer: Which profession have you ever seen that pays so much attention to logic and prudence as a lawyer?
3. Teachers, especially class teachers: as engineers of the soul, they are holding hammers and chisels every day, and they are making perfect "flowers". With his creative desire, it's good not to beat you.
4. Judge: accustomed to ruling, not accustomed to being evaluated.
I'm afraid it takes much more patience and care than others to make men engaged in these professions infected by positive suggestions. Stroking the beard of a tiger is a highly technical operation. Fortunately, tigers also have a "nap" time.
