Post Date April, 15 2023
Hello! I am a woman with a family and a lovely daughter. Two years ago, my husband had an affair. Since then, we have been separated for almost two years and there have been few couples. I have forgiven him, but I still cannot accept him.
We are all people with jobs, and he was assigned here after graduating from university. I have a strict upbringing since childhood. He is my only boyfriend, and I am also a very strong woman. I am an excellent employee every year at work, and I do everything at home. Even my daughter is almost raised by me alone, and he doesn't care about anything. In the eyes of others, I am a woman among women, and all my neighbors have high evaluations of me. I am also very beautiful, but he is not very handsome. Why is he still unfaithful to me?
A year ago, by chance, I met a man with a family. When I first met him, I didn't have any good feelings for him. I just thought of him as an ordinary friend, but as we had more interactions, his care for me moved me. A few months later, we had sexual intercourse one day.
His wife had an affair three years ago and was his best friend. He is a very capable man, and he is also very honest. We have been dating for almost a year, and I have told him to break up. He cried sadly, and seeing him like that, I did not leave him.
I really want to leave him, loving him is too tiring and painful. It has been almost three months since he left here, and we have been in touch. He had little contact with me for a while and said he was very busy and tired. I can understand. But while he was sending me messages, he was also sending messages to his wife, constantly in contact with her. Why did he deceive me? I want to leave him, but I can't go back to my husband who loved me before. I've also thought about leaving this world, but what about my daughter? Can you help me? thank you!
Reply:
Hello! Mutual loyalty is a very important principle when entering into a marriage, and it is also the foundation of mutual trust. Once the principle of loyalty is violated, it will inevitably destroy trust in the marriage and cause harm to one party. I can understand your current mood very well. Your husband's infidelity will inevitably make you feel painful and heartbroken, and you will inevitably lose trust in him for a period of time. However, since you have chosen to forgive, there is no better way than to make the situation and mentality develop in a direction that is beneficial for both parties and their relationship. What can be done is to try to shake off negative emotions and maintain each other's emotions well.
To be fair, everyone has moments of confusion and mistakes (such as yourself now). Sometimes mistakes are not due to poor character, but even the most noble people have instinctive weaknesses. Sometimes these weaknesses go beyond the control of reason and act recklessly. This is not to excuse your husband, but to tell you that there is indeed such a situation, which helps you to have a more objective and comprehensive view of people's mistakes (so you also need to know how to forgive yourself).
I think a large part of the reason for your infidelity is because you refuse to truly forgive your husband, are unwilling to accept his faults, and want to do the same harm to your husband and retaliate against him. And precisely because they refuse to forgive, they cannot let go, give each other warmth, nor rebuild trust, nor return to the original beauty. Should this farce be over now? My infidelity has made up for my subconscious desire to level with him, and I am ready to truly accept him again, right?
Now, let's end this entangled emotion and return to the normal life track of the past. To cut off contact with the other party, it's best to tell them not to contact you again; At the same time, communicating and spending more time with your husband and daughter, and arranging joint activities where all three members of the family can participate, will make you feel the warmth of your family and help you shift your focus back to your own family. You can also discuss and work together with your husband on rebuilding trust in marriage.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
