Post Date December, 03 2023
As mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the two women had no relationship in the past few decades, only because they loved a man together and became a family. Therefore, the mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship is not a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but a more complex triangular relationship than a triangular relationship. In a love triangle, there is always one person who is not loved, and eventually one person will withdraw, so it is relatively simpler. But in the mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship, both women are loved, neither woman can quit, and they should also live in harmony. But the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China has been thriving for thousands of years, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have almost become "natural enemies", leaving the man who should have had the love of two women sandwiched in the middle and suffering from the oppression. Many men do not know how to handle this relationship, resulting in deeper and deeper conflicts between their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. At times, there may be family disharmony and resentment between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, at times, their wives and children may be separated, and their families may fall apart!
For husbands who don't want to be trapped and want to have both the deep love of their mother and the passionate love of their wife, take a good look at this Ten Commandments!
The first commandment is not to have the concept of 'all parents are alike'
Many husbands seem to have this concept and like to put it on their lips to show their respect for their parents and "filial piety". Especially after my wife has been wronged by my mother, this sentence appears the most frequently. I know my mother is wrong, but I only dare to say to my wife: 'There are no bad parents in the world, and if she is not right, she is also my mother. You should be more patient!'! So the wives had nowhere to vent their grievances and had to secretly shed tears. Women in this kind of family, without the protection of their husbands, gradually fade their love for them until they are disappointed in their marriage. Some may escape the marriage, while others may turn from tolerance to retaliation, ultimately leaving everyone in this relationship scarred.
The second rule is to actively wean oneself from the day of marriage
After every woman gets married, they hope that the man they entrust to for life can mature and take responsibility to support their small family. But many men forget about the role transition and always think that they are still the darling of their parents. The most obvious sign is their unwillingness to live alone with their parents. Their most grandiose reason is: I want to take care of my parents! The man who still lives with his parents after marriage has not changed much since before, because he knows that when he is with his mother, she is reluctant to let him do household chores, and his wife dares not assign household chores to him in front of her. Is it still the same as before marriage, living a life of clothes and food, only seeing two women busy for him, where can he see him doing something for his mother?
Many mothers have a feudal ideology of 'marrying a daughter-in-law is to take over their own duties and serve their own son', so they have instilled this ideology into their sons since childhood. They also practice it by taking care of all household chores and not letting their sons do any work. They always like to praise their sons for their laziness in front of their daughter-in-law: my son has never helped him pour an oil bottle since childhood! Men, are you proud or ashamed to hear this? Are you a suckling baby who can't even lift an oil bottle? Or are you used to treating your mother like your own mother and letting her train your wife to be your paid nanny, so that she can take over your mother's work and serve you?
Many men who live separately from their parents will consciously divide household chores with their wives. But if his parents stay at his own house for a period of time and leave, his good habit of helping with household chores is completely destroyed. Because during that time, his mother does not allow him to do any housework, and his wife dare not assign him household chores, he enjoys the services of his mother and wife with peace of mind. If once his parents leave and return to the world of two, and his wife requests to restore the previous division of household chores, This husband often says, 'My mother never lets me do housework'! The implication is that the wife should treat him like a mother or follow the trajectory of her own mother's life! Please think about it, is your wife marrying you just to find someone to serve you, become an accessory to others, and be enslaved by others?
The third commandment, don't be afraid of being labeled as "unfilial" by others and losing the principle of being a person, and only follow the orders of your parents
Under the influence of thousands of years of feudal ideology in China, "filial piety" has become a supreme virtue and the most powerful shackle of patriarchal society. Therefore, some people have concocted the story of "twenty-four filial piety", which has attracted filial sons and wise grandchildren from all over the world to follow suit. If a person is accused of unfilial behavior, it is just as unforgivable as committing the ten evil crimes. But this' filial piety 'is different from the law, without a clear standard, so it has become the most easily used big hat by parents to suppress their children. As long as the children do not listen to themselves or slightly contradict their own opinions, parents will cry and curse: You unfilial son, I raised you for nothing! Men who cherish their reputation often feel thunderous and anxious when they hear such accusations. So, in order to maintain their "filial son" reputation, men often give up their principles of being a person, right and wrong are unclear, regardless of good or bad. Especially when there is a conflict between the wife and the mother, it is considered the responsibility of the wife without asking for any details, and it helps parents to blame the wife. In this situation, men do not maintain family harmony from a just perspective, but blindly demand that their wives endure humiliation and compromise to maintain the surface peace of the family.
In fact, men with this kind of foolish filial piety thought are deeply influenced by the feudal thought of "the monarch is the leader, the father is the leader, and the husband is the leader". But in the society of monarchy and patriarchy, where the hierarchical concept is extremely strict, even the extremely pedantic Confucius advocated that "the monarch is unjust, the minister can contend with the monarch, the father is unjust, and the son can contend with the father." So these foolish and filial men only absorbed the dross of feudal thought and abandoned the essence of it. What they care about is not true filial piety towards their parents, but the reputation of "filial son". Therefore, this kind of foolish and filial man is not a true "filial son", but a hypocritical person fishing for fame and reputation!
(Intern Editor: Chen Jiaye)
