After marriage, my husband's quality is too poor and he often gets angry with me in front of the children

My husband and I are both born in the 1980s and have an average level of education, but our education is not high. After being introduced, we established a romantic relationship. Due to our youthful impulsiveness, we stole the forbidden fruit and got married. From love to marriage, it only took less than half a year. At that time, I didn't have a deep emotional foundation for my husband, and I accepted blind dates because my family was urging me.

My husband is outgoing and sometimes impatient, and I am looking for a gentle and elegant gentleman husband. After having children, my heart settled down and I accepted reality. I believe that with children, they will make a difference. After marriage, there is a big gap between life and fantasy. He still has a hot temper, and even when he becomes a father, he still has the same attitude. A small matter, he can curse for a long time, regardless of the occasion, regardless of the time, without taking into account my feelings. He has had many arguments with me in front of the child.

That time, we took our children on a trip. It was originally a happy thing, but I didn't want him to bully me during the journey. On the train, our behavior was in a row of three, and he wanted to sit next to him, but he didn't want to hold the child. I'm worried about people coming from behind. I'll sit in the middle and squeeze into the child, and others will squeeze into the child. Please discuss changing seats with him.

He didn't want to, but the space was relatively small when changing seats. I accidentally stepped on his foot, and he cried out in pain. I conditionally apologized, and he immediately became angry, shouting in front of the passengers that I didn't have eyes, causing the children to tremble with fear. I originally wanted to endure it for a while, but when I saw the child scared and wanted to cry, I started arguing with him.

He didn't show any mercy. The war lasted for half an hour, and several neighbors nearby criticized his husband for being wrong and shouldn't shout at their children and wives. He saw no one standing on his side, so he stopped talking. When we arrived at the tourist destination, we looked at each other and ignored each other. A planned game just came to an end.

I think our relationship is as fragile as glass. If one day I lose control like him, we will really break up. Every time I finish arguing, he apologizes to me after a while, saying that he was angry at the time and lost control. I just feel like his apology is so hypocritical. Living with such an incompetent person, I don't know how long I can persist. I really can't communicate. What should I do? Who can enlighten me?

Reply from Weiqing Consultant:

Hello. From your narration, it can be seen that you hope your husband will change his attitude, increase his measurement, and not lose his temper casually. At the beginning, you had opinions about him. The person you wanted had a contrast with him, but due to the reason of having a baby, to some extent, you accepted him. You want him to become your ideal gentleman, but in fact, his temper has not restrained.

In fact, it is difficult to change a person. They have become accustomed to this way of life, and each person's emotions and temperament are different. The important thing between couples is communication, and arguing only deepens the conflict between you. If you want to change someone, first control your own emotions. You can try it out. When he gets angry, you treat him gently like water and don't take his words. Transform awkward scenes into a relaxed atmosphere. Don't hit the smiling person with your hand, I believe he won't continue to make trouble without reason.

Home is a warm haven and a place to talk about love. So, tolerance, respect, and encouragement are far more likely to influence a person than arguments. I believe that you will understand the truth and maintain your marriage well. I wish you happiness.