After five years of marriage, my wife suddenly changes her mind and wants a divorce. What should I do

I am thirty five this year and my wife is thirty three. I have been married for five years. After getting married, my wife and I went to Shanghai to work together, rented a one bedroom house, and lived a humble life. Two people go to work together, and come back in the evening to buy vegetables, cook, and do housework together. Although there is no car, no house, and not much income, I have lived a safe and stable life in my childhood, and I am regarded as a model by my friends around me. However, this situation only lasts for the first three years of marriage. After marriage, we haven't had any children. I didn't care about this matter. During the upward phase of my career, I want to spend my time fighting for it. "She didn't want a house or a car from me, and I felt sorry for myself. I worked hard, and my wife understood me. She never asked for anything, and she constantly encouraged me.".

Three years have passed, and my income has been unstable. My wife wants to have a child. When living as a husband and wife, she replaced the birth control pill with vitamins. After a period of time, she went to the hospital to check whether she was pregnant, but the result was that she had a physical problem: difficult pregnancy. "She couldn't make up her mind to tell me everything, and I didn't mean to blame her. There are many childless families these days, and it's no big deal to adopt one. I told her what I thought, but she thought I was sympathizing with her.".

"Our relationship has gradually become estranged. I am preoccupied with buying her a house, but she is preoccupied with having a child. Our starting points are different, and it is difficult to have common ideas.". This year is our fifth year of marriage, and she is still not pregnant. We have also seen a doctor, but there is no effect. A while ago, my wife said she would like to travel with her colleagues for relaxation, and I agreed.

After eleven o'clock in the evening, she didn't call me, and I was very worried. It suddenly occurred to me that my wife had given me a call from her colleague before, and I quickly looked for it and dialed it. The other party claimed that they were out of town and not with my wife. I panicked and kept calling her for fear that something might happen to her. After a while, she connected. I told her about the phone conversations with her colleagues and asked where she was? "My worried voice made her nervous and stammered that her colleague had something to do temporarily and the trip was canceled. She is now out shopping with friends and will be back later.".

My intuition is very bad because I can't hear the noise of shopping on the phone. She must be hiding something from me. "She came back at twelve o'clock with a displeased expression on her face, saying I didn't trust her, investigating him, having a big fight with me, and falling asleep with her head covered.". Since then, she has often come home late, and if I ask one more question, she quarrels with me. On that day, she looked very strange and hesitated to speak. The next thing my wife said to me made me dumbfounded: That night, she was with a man and was afraid that I would be unhappy, so she lied to me. Afterwards, she thought I was investigating her, so she continued to socialize with him in anger. Now that she had developed into bed, she couldn't continue living with me and asked for a divorce!

After listening to what he said, my blood clotted and my whole body felt numb. I have always regarded her as my driving force for struggle. Even if we didn't have children, I couldn't blame her. Now she has completely extinguished my confidence and motivation. In recent days, she has been telling me about her divorce. On her mobile phone, I saw a text message from someone else saying, "I miss you, baby!"! "We used to be two people who loved each other so much, but now that things have come to this point, I simply can't accept it.". I feel like I'm being dirty. What should I do?

Reply from the maintenance consultant:

Hello. From your description, you propose that from the beginning, your starting point and your wife are different. What you want is to give her a material life, drive a luxury car, and live in a foreign house. "And she is intent on having a child, which is also the side of motherhood as a woman.". However, contrary to your wishes, your efforts have not been able to achieve your wishes, but have led to your wife's disappointment with you, rising little by little. You don't care about anything, even if she can't have children, you don't care. Thinking only that you two can live well, neglecting what your wife really wants in her heart. This makes her feelings for you gradually dissipate.

A woman's feelings will shift when she has no concerns or expectations for a man. On her first date with a man of the opposite sex, she was actually very nervous and scared, and your constant phone calls and inquiries made her feel that if you investigated her again, you had already generated an invisible distrust of her, which would give her a series of courage to take the path of an affair in a fit of pique. "Now that she has confessed to cheating, you don't blame her, you just feel like you're useless.". You want to let bygones be bygones and forbear her cheating. "However, if one time forbearance counts as your generosity, then the second and third times, it can really be said that you are cowardly.".

As a man, the first thing to face this matter is to be calm. The premise of your marriage is that you have not met her needs. If you want to retain this marriage, it is recommended to first understand her inner desires and not act pitifully all day, which will only make the other party feel that you are useless. Review your dating during your relationship a bit more, take her heart back first and plan ahead.