Post Date April, 15 2023
There is something that has been bothering me for several months, especially sad and painful. I can't talk to anyone around me, so I want to talk to Brother Shan and ask him to analyze it for me. The general reason for the situation is as follows: seven years ago, I had a girlfriend and talked about her for almost a year. I found out that she had been taken care of by a married husband before me. I can allow women to have multiple romantic relationships, which is normal, but I don't allow them to be taken care of. So I broke up with her. After more than two months of breaking up, she said she had a child and decided to give birth. I said I won't marry you and asked her to consider it carefully. She said she would take the child to grow up, Later, my mother found out and asked her to stay at my house, saying she would leave after giving birth. Although I no longer love her, I couldn't bear to look at the child after it was born, so I got married when the child was two years old.
Three years ago, I met a girl and I fell in love with her, but because I loved children, I kept dragging on like this. I am particularly kind to this girl. I told her that when the child grows up and understands, I will divorce and marry her. So, after more than two years, my child's mother had a long conversation with me last year, saying that she knew I didn't love her. Over the years, she didn't love me either. She just saw that I had good conditions and could help their family. Now, this is not fair to anyone. She said we should get divorced, so at the end of the year, we got divorced. But I didn't tell this girl that I got divorced, and I wanted to give her a surprise. At the end of this year's New Year, when we were together, someone sent her a WeChat video, and I realized that she had a boyfriend. The man was studying for graduate school abroad and had been talking for over a year. The man was her classmate when she was young. When we were so good and in love, she was with him, and I was particularly heartbroken and sad because I really loved her. Over the past three years, I have been particularly kind to her. On the day I discovered it, she received a video and said to the man, 'I was with my boyfriend and we immediately parted ways.'. I asked her why I was so kind to her, and she said to me that she couldn't tolerate me sleeping with other women every day, especially during holidays. She was very painful, and she couldn't see hope. She just wanted to find someone to get married, and she didn't love him. She saw that his conditions were particularly suitable for marriage, so she stayed with him. They did discuss when to get married, and I said since you plan to get married with him, If you plan to marry him, you should tell me to break up with me, but she said she still loves me the most and can't bear to part with me, so she can't tell me. Plus, he only comes back four or five times a year while abroad. If it weren't for being abroad, she had already made up her mind, so she kept dragging on for over a year. She said she was really wrong, admitted to me countless times, and said she would cherish the future life and love me well, but I couldn't let it go. If she really loved me so much, would she be with him so soon? If you really love me so much, would it be like this for over a year? But I am incredibly conflicted. In the past few months, it has been very painful. I know my heart loves her very much, but I cannot understand her motivation to be with him so quickly and for so long. I don't know how much she loves me, although she has been really good to me for over three years. Brother Shan, can you give me an analysis and answer in psychology? Could you please give me a prescription amidst your busy schedule? Thank you very much.
reply:
Hello, your story is really full of drama, like a absurd dog blood drama. In fact, your pain is the result of your self seeking. You should never have been in love with a girl outside of marriage during the marriage, because you don't have the qualifications. Why would that girl agree to love you while quietly cheating on other men? It's not because she's not dedicated enough to you, but because she understands the uncertainty and absurdity of her relationship with you.
You must understand that the entanglement and pain you are experiencing at this moment are the torment and pain of that girl facing you, unable to give her a result. Do you suspect her motivation to shift to another relationship with you at this moment, and have you ever considered the anxiety and hesitation that you promised her outside of marriage?
In fact, your problem is that you met at the wrong time, and she shouldn't have agreed to fall in love with you when you have a marriage. You shouldn't have intervened in her feelings when you have a family. To be precise, your love desecrated the relationship, which is why you love so embarrassed, absurd, and entangled.
Do you want me to help you judge in psychology: what exactly does that girl think? Let me tell you, I'm not really familiar with psychology, but I think that girl has already clearly told you her true thoughts, and I think she's speaking from the bottom of her heart.
Since you have already divorced, she also sincerely apologizes to you. At this moment, you can have a frank love, and it is also a good time to cultivate positive results. Why do you shrink back when it is time to love? I just want to say to you: If you love, please love deeply; If you don't love, please let go!
