Post Date December, 03 2023
Gay Me:
Hello! Holding a mirror and looking at myself over and over again, I have the same correct facial features as others, but I have a different heart, too many grievances, and too many helplessness. I don't know who to tell, so I can only write to you, the person in my mirror.
During this time, I have been very distressed because everyone around me knows that I am a homosexual. Looking at people's strange glances at me and listening to their whispers behind my back, I feel like I am really going to collapse. Just because I am a homosexual, I cannot live like a "normal person"?
Perhaps it was some stimulation I received when I was young that made me uninterested in the opposite sex. Mom and Dad found out that I was a homosexual, and they constantly introduced me to female friends. However, every time I tried very hard to socialize with them, ultimately, it was because of my indifference to them that I kept those female friends away from me. Later, my parents asked me to go to a psychologist for treatment for 4 months, but it also ended in failure.
Gay me, can you understand my feelings? I just like same-sex people. Am I wrong?
Not long ago, I saw someone bombarding homosexuality online, referring to homosexuality as a criminal act. Upon seeing that message, I locked myself up at home for a whole week because I was afraid that once I went out, people around me would expose me as a homosexual and take me away. I didn't want to do that. I just wanted to live a normal life because I was also a human being, a normal person with blood, flesh, and affection.
Sometimes, I think of suicide, a person quietly to another world to live their own happy life. But if I die, is that same sex friend who likes me still waiting for me. My mother has told me before that God has arranged for everyone to have a partner in life. I know what my mother is talking about is the pairing of a man and a woman. But I also believe that the same sex friend who likes me is still waiting for me in the distance, waiting for our different "love". This is the idea that made me give up the idea of suicide.
"I am an ordinary person, just because I have a special title of" homosexual ", which puts me under various pressures. This pressure is like a huge stone pressing on my back, which makes me unable to breathe.".
Gay me, you know, I'm so tired! I'm really tired!
Sometimes, I keep dreaming that I am married to a same-sex friend, and many relatives and friends come to celebrate. We kiss happily... When I wake up, tears fill my pillow, and I know that's what I've been looking forward to.
"Gay me, have you ever known that writing this letter to you gives me a sense of relief. I don't want to live in the eyes of others like before, and I will live for myself. One day, homosexuality will be accepted by the people, and in the near future.".
"I'm not afraid of being gay, but I dare not face myself squarely.". Pick up the mirror and "smash" the "self" in the mirror.
I am a homosexual, and no one can change. Tomorrow, tomorrow's tomorrow, gay me, will definitely live more exciting!
Gay self
Written on a summer evening
